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GENERAL DISCUSSIONS! => The Joke Corner for all => Topic started by: georg ruf jr. on August 18, 2008, 12:30:01 PM

Title: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 18, 2008, 12:30:01 PM
We're back in buiseness. I'll be posting here from tomorrow onward...
 :buffo9: trex-073 allgood
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 18, 2008, 12:33:29 PM
 woo_hoo woo_hoo party0031 banjo
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 18, 2008, 06:06:36 PM
An Afrikaner guy, an Aussie, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting
in a train.
The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
The old woman, beautiful girl and the Afrikaner guy are sitting there
looking perplexed. The Aussie is bent over holding his face, which is red
from an apparent slap.
The old woman is thinking: 'That Aussie must have tried to kiss that girl
and got slapped.'
The Aussie is thinking: 'Damn it, that Afrikaner guy must have tried to kiss
the beautiful girl. She thought it was me and slapped me instead.'
The beautiful girl is thinking: 'That Aussie must have moved to kiss me, but
kissed the old lady instead and got slapped.'
The Afrikaner guy is thinking: 'If this train goes through another tunnel, I
could make another kissing sound and moer that Aussie again!'
 

 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Bertie Horak on August 18, 2008, 06:40:02 PM
 laughpoint image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 19, 2008, 12:59:35 PM
 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Cherry (Alcock) on August 20, 2008, 07:56:57 AM
 image201 - Nice one!  I've been repeating the Boeresen joke to anyone who will listen as well!
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 21, 2008, 05:26:58 PM
The Average South African

A recent study conducted by Wits University found that the average South African walks about 1200 kms a year. Another study by the South African Medical Association found that South Africans drink, on average, 100 litres of alcohol a year. This means, on average, South Africans get about 12 kms to the litre.

Kind of makes you proud to be South African.

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 21, 2008, 05:28:41 PM
Waitingroom
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 22, 2008, 12:27:26 PM
 msn emoticon (224) image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 23, 2008, 12:28:54 PM
Hi Guys,
For those of you still young enough to remember listening to Springbok Radio's David Gresham's Top Twenty, Squad cars, etc.....check out this link!!!
Do yourself the favour of accessing the commercials link! Especially the Chevrolet ad...remember Sunny Skies!! LOL!!
Check out the cigarette ads as well.....remember the one's we saw on the big screen, before the actual movie started??

http://www.springbokradio.com/
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 23, 2008, 05:47:06 PM
Have I posted this before and it was deleted??
If anbody should feel offended please contact me.

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.  She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.  You should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
 
She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.'
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.'
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt'
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.'

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'



(Yeah, I didn't see it coming, either.)

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 26, 2008, 01:37:01 PM
I feel offended, now what you going to do about it???!!!


 image201 :culo1: image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 26, 2008, 01:45:09 PM
 witch-43  woo_hoo
Does that help???
  202
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 26, 2008, 02:00:28 PM
NO!!!!!!!!!

 :buffo9:
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on August 26, 2008, 04:41:23 PM
Ok  Paula  ..  Promise  ..   promise .. cross  my  heart  ..  on pain of  death ..  I'll never  borrow  your  clothes on a  Saturday night  again  ..  anyhow  your   high  heels  were a bit  uncomfortable ..
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 26, 2008, 04:49:18 PM
I don't mind you borrowing my clothes SandyB, it's just that my shoes heels are in their moerin when you bring them back but I must say you look good in this outfit   women(1)



 ha ha




Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 26, 2008, 05:23:56 PM
Ok  Paula  ..  Promise  ..   promise .. cross  my  heart  ..  on pain of  death ..  I'll never  borrow  your  clothes on a  Saturday night  again  ..  anyhow  your   high  heels  were a bit  uncomfortable ..


 ha ha
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 26, 2008, 05:25:57 PM
The train was quite crowded, so a US Marine walked the entire length
looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed
middle-aged French woman's poodle.  The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am,
may I have that seat?'  The French woman just sniffed and said to no-one
in particular, 'Americans are so rude.  My little Fifi is using that
seat.'

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was
under that dog.  'Please, ma'am, may I sit down?  I'm very tired.' She
snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'

This time the Marine didn't say a word;  he just picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.  The woman shrieked
'Someone must defend my honour!  Put this American in his place!'

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,  'Sir, you Americans seem
to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.  You hold the fork in the
wrong hand.  You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
 And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong b!tch out of the window.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on August 26, 2008, 08:57:47 PM
From Winston Churchill ... some  dry humour to compliment the previous one ..

WINSTON CHURCHILL
* Lady Astor: 'If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee!' - Churchill:
'My dear, if you were my wife I'd drink it
* George Bernard Shaw once sent two tickets to the opening night of one of
his plays to Winston Churchill with the following note: 'Bring a friend, if
you have one.' Churchill wrote back, returning the two tickets and excused
himself as he had a previous engagement. He also attached the following:
'Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one.'
* House of Commons late one night: Bessie Braddock: 'Winston you are drunk!'
Winston Churchill: 'Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I will be
sober.'
*Churchill is dozing in a train carriage. A woman enters and sits across
from him. She notices his flies are undone. 'Sir!' she exclaims, 'Your penis
is sticking out!' Churchill starts awake, gives the woman a cold stare,
looks down for a moment then meets her gaze again. 'Madam, you flatter
yourself. It is merely hanging out.'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 26, 2008, 09:30:16 PM
 :buffo9:
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on August 26, 2008, 10:19:37 PM

FOR ALL THE  BOT BAR REGULARS

Some of these are VERY difficult to say even when you are sober!!!
 
 Things that are hard to say when you're drunk.

a)  Innovative
b)  Preliminary
c)  Proliferation
d)  Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk

a)  Specificity
b)  British Constitution
c)  Passive-aggressive
d)  Transubstantiates

Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk

a)  Nope, no more drinks for me, I've reached my limit
b)  Sorry, but you're not really my type
c)  Please take the shooters back, let's have water
d)  Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
e)  I'm not interested in fighting you
f)  Oh, I just couldn't- no one wants to hear me sing
g)  Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero coordination
h)  Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
i)  I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
j)  I must get to my bed because I could never have a really good sleep in that hedge

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 27, 2008, 08:19:41 AM
Very good Sandy...  ha ha
I hope Garry pops in himself. He'd like this one...
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 27, 2008, 05:21:03 PM
Another new illness to watch out for!


A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.!

'What's the matter?' he asks.

'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.

'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'

'I just can't see my ass coming into work today.

 

 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 27, 2008, 05:26:43 PM
The frensh-fried-pizza-burger.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 27, 2008, 05:28:38 PM
And then... :culo1:
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on August 27, 2008, 09:12:12 PM
Hectic !! 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 28, 2008, 12:34:05 AM
Holy cow!!!


 faceinfood feedme
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 28, 2008, 05:14:46 AM
I don't want to imagine eating this.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on August 28, 2008, 05:09:25 PM
Now this is just a sweet little story. Enjoy...

Can I borrow R25.00?

A man came home from work late,
tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business.
Why do you ask such a thing?'
the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know.

Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make R50.00 an hour..'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied,
with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow R25.00?'

The father was furious,

'If the only reason you asked that is so you
can borrow some money to buy a silly toy
or some other nonsense, then you march yourself
straight to your room and go to bed.

Think about why you are being so selfish.

I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier
about the little boy's questions.
How dare he ask such questions
only to get some money?
After about an hour or so,
the man had calmed down ,
and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed
to buy with that R25.00 and he really
didn't ask for money very often.

The man went to the door of
the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking,
maybe I was too hard on you earlier'
said the man.

'It's been a long day and
I took out my aggravation on you.

Here's the R25.00 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.

'Oh, thank you daddy!' He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pull ed out
some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money,
started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money,
and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already
have some?' the father grumbled.

Because I didn't have enough,
but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Daddy, I have R50.00 now.
Can I buy an hour of your time?
Please come home early tomorrow.
I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed.
He put his arms around his little son,
and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all
of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers
without having spent some time
with those who really matter to us,
those close to our hearts.
Do remember to share that R50.00 worth of
your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow,
the company that we are working for
could easily replace us in a matter of hours.
But the family & friends we leave behind
will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
Make time for living while you're still breathing.

Can I Borrow R25.00?
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on August 28, 2008, 11:02:29 PM
I'm sure we can all club together and give you the R25-00 Georgjr  image04
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 01, 2008, 05:20:56 PM
You can be such a sweetheart Paula.  3d smiles(281)

And now back o buiseness...  yesno
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 01, 2008, 05:21:09 PM
Short story

 

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said,

'Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time.'

She said, 'You have the biggest dick out of all of your friends.'

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Rhona on September 01, 2008, 05:40:40 PM
ouch!!!  image281
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on September 01, 2008, 11:27:08 PM
 image201 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 03, 2008, 06:12:29 PM
It's a mans world...
1
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 03, 2008, 06:15:23 PM
2
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 03, 2008, 06:16:13 PM
3
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 03, 2008, 06:16:38 PM
4
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on September 03, 2008, 09:18:47 PM
The girls will be  after you Jnr ...  cat3
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 11, 2008, 07:46:24 PM
I'm not sure if I've posted this before...
     But I like it...  :buffo9:

   After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some  time.
 It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the tv. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop? He said, 'I found the remote'.   
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Cherry (Alcock) on September 12, 2008, 08:31:09 AM
Love this one!  I'd give him a job anyday!
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 19, 2008, 05:55:24 AM
The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg.

The average man's p***s is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Men that read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs
 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 19, 2008, 05:56:23 AM
President Mbeki meets with the Queen of England. He asks her,

"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are

there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround

yourself with intelligent people."

Mbeki frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really

intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them

to answer an intelligence riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair

in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and

Father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your

sister.

Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "That would be

me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Back in Cape town , President Mbeki asks to speak with vice

president Zuma.

"Answer this for me. Your mother and your Father have a child.

It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says Zuma. "Let me get back to you on that one."

Zuma goes to his advisors and asks everyone, but none can give him

an answer. Finally, he ends up at the V&A Waterfront and bumps into

Mark Lottering.

Zuma looks around to see if anyone can overhear them, and he

whispers, Mark! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a

child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Mark whispers back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Zuma smiles and says "Thanks!"

Zuma goes back to Parliament to speak with Pres Mbeki. "Say, I did

some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Mark

Lottering."

Mbeki gets up, stomps over to Zuma, and angrily yells into his

face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!

 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on September 19, 2008, 01:37:49 PM
 image201 image201 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 20, 2008, 10:28:57 AM
Are you sure you can follow Paula???
 affe-red  arse ha ha
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 20, 2008, 10:30:39 AM
Why he signed.


Quick! Check this before Micky or Goofy come around....
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Bertie Horak on September 20, 2008, 11:02:27 AM
 ha ha bravo
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 22, 2008, 05:56:39 PM
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or Pharmacist about Brandy.

Brandy is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
About yourself and your actions. Brandy can help ease you out of
Your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do
Just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Brandy almost immediately and with
A regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent
You from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will
Discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with
Brandy. Brandy may not be right for everyone. Women who are
Pregnant or nursing should not use Brandy. However, women who
Wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration,
Erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of
Money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing,
Headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night
Rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING:

The consumption of Brandy may make you think you are whispering
When you are not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:

The consumption of Brandy may cause you to tell your friends over
And over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:

The consumption of Brandy may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:

The consumption of Brandy may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
Are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:

The consumption of Brandy may make you think you can logically
Converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:

The consumption of Brandy may create the illusion that you are
Tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH TEQUILA!!!

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on September 23, 2008, 01:07:52 PM
Are you sure you can follow Paula???
 affe-red  arse ha ha


watch it Jnr!!!     meanpuff

 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on September 23, 2008, 09:12:15 PM
A bad day!
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 07, 2008, 06:29:26 PM
My grandmother died in 1975, but her birthday is coming up, and that

Always

Causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store, the

Quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing

The sidewalk... Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most,

The

Jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only

About 10.

 

We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda

Bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me

That one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.

 

"And remember always this thing," she said. "Be sure to marry a woman

With small hands."

 

"How come, Grandma?" I asked her. She answered in her soft voice..

 

"Makes your dick look bigger."

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Florrie van Zyl (Muir) on October 07, 2008, 08:00:22 PM
Oh Georg, that is priceless.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee) on October 07, 2008, 08:07:09 PM
 sorriso2  Clever Grandma!    202
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Bertie Horak on October 08, 2008, 04:50:35 AM
 image201 What a Grandma!  giverose
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on October 10, 2008, 01:47:10 PM
So Jnr, did you take your Grandma's advise???



(got to dodge the bullet now)    Turkey



 image201 image04
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Ricky Barron on October 10, 2008, 03:50:22 PM
Hollywood Squares
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you < /B>think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaii an, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 10, 2008, 03:58:56 PM
So Jnr, did you take your Grandma's advise???



(got to dodge the bullet now)    Turkey



 image201 image04


Do you think I need... ? Hey!!! How do you wanna know???
 madashell
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 10, 2008, 04:02:03 PM
Hollywood Squares
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you < /B>think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaii an, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
 



Do you know Garry too Ricky?? lol
Go ahead. Just feel cmfortable in this topic...
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Ricky Barron on October 13, 2008, 04:12:46 PM
Garry who?
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 13, 2008, 08:44:44 PM
Garry who?

The topic is called "Garrys reimported jokes". Seeing that you posted a joke I thought you might know Garry....  ape ha ha
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Ricky Barron on October 14, 2008, 08:43:35 AM
Garry who?
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 14, 2008, 09:55:47 AM
Garry Joyce is a freind in PE. We've known each other since sub b in 1972.
Don't realy think you know him.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on October 15, 2008, 03:10:34 PM
So Jnr, did you take your Grandma's advise???



(got to dodge the bullet now)    Turkey



 image201 image04


Do you think I need... ? Hey!!! How do you wanna know???
 madashell

 image201

Is that "How" or should it be Why???

Seem to have Jnr all flustered, my job is done!!


 8_1_220(55) image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 15, 2008, 03:18:35 PM
 :ciupa1: :culo1:
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on October 15, 2008, 03:19:14 PM
 affe-red image19
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 15, 2008, 03:24:22 PM
Yep. In german we say: "Leck mich am   :culo1: "

You're learning fast Paula.  bravo
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on October 15, 2008, 03:30:22 PM
Ja, Ja , what ever!!!!


 affe-red arse


 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 17, 2008, 05:39:31 AM
A priest checks into a hotel and says to the receptionist "I hope the
porn channel on my TV is disabled."

She replies: "No sir, it's just ordinary porn, you sick bastard."

 

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 21, 2008, 05:45:52 AM
This one reminds me of my time ias a kid in Windhoek. The Ovambo there would often speack about these kind of dreams when "black-power" comes.
To me this joke is not racist, because it makes a joke about how unrealistc less benefiteed people think life would be if they had the say...


Genie in Soweto

 

            A dark complexioned man finds a dusty old bottle in Soweto.

            He dusts it off and a genie appears, offering him 3 wishes.

 

            "E wanna de Maciedies" - Poof a big, black Merc appears.

            "E wanna de beeg hows" - Poof a mansion appears.

            "E wanna be white likka de baas" - Poof he becomes white

            Poof the car and the house vanish.

            "How Wa!!! Wezma cah ene ma hows!!??"

 

            To which the genie replies - "You're a white man now, you must work for it!"

             

 rooster
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 30, 2008, 10:46:56 AM
You know you're a loser when...
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on November 07, 2008, 06:23:50 AM
'If women are so perfect at multitasking

how come they cannot have a headache

and s*x at the same time?'

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Bertie Horak on November 07, 2008, 12:23:45 PM
 bravo  image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Florrie van Zyl (Muir) on November 08, 2008, 12:48:25 PM
We only multitask when it suits us. image19
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on November 16, 2008, 03:17:42 PM
Be aware of what you're doing boys!!
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on November 16, 2008, 03:20:54 PM
A way to compromise...
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Florrie van Zyl (Muir) on November 17, 2008, 05:52:54 AM
Can't leave him there, he is carrying the wallet.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on December 11, 2008, 06:31:06 AM
I've been after my hubby to get the Christmas lights up for a couple of weeks.

They are up now and we're not speaking.
 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Paula Gottsch (Willson) on December 11, 2008, 03:12:00 PM
 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on December 11, 2008, 03:22:40 PM
Does that look familiar to you Paula?
 cuqui
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on December 12, 2008, 06:32:33 AM
A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback village
and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog He figures he'll
have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie

"Hey, mind if I talk to your dog? "

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, stupid "

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate? "

Dog: "Doin' all  right. "

Aussi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat  you? "

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play. "

Aussi: (look of utter  disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?  "

Aussi: "Uh, the horse don't  talk either. . . . I think. "

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?  "

Horse: "Cool"

Aussi: (absolutely dumbfounded, "as most Ozzys  look)

Ventriloquist: "Is  this your owner? " (pointing at the villager)

Horse:  "Yep"

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks  for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

Aussi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist:  "Mind if I talk to your sheep? "

Aussi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar.  "

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on January 17, 2009, 08:55:18 PM
An office manager was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a
job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four
people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and
ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them
would get the job.
The
day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked:

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man (A WHITE MAN), on his right, the man
replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning
that it's on the way;it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I
know of.""That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked the second man (A INDIAN MAN). "Hmm .... Let
me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye .....that's a
very popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to the third man (A BLACK MAN) who was contemplating his
reply." Well, out at my dad's FARM, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch & way out across
the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an ant. TURNING
ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light", he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man (A COLOURED MAN), the interviewer
posed the same question.
"It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already kakked in my pants!"

HE GOT THE JOB................??
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 10, 2009, 01:00:01 AM
I have 2 dogs and was buying a large bag of Epol at Pick 'n Pay and was standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Epol Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25kg before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Epol nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.  I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
 
Silly woman..........why else would I buy dog food???

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Patricia Lotte on February 10, 2009, 06:23:44 AM
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two  large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'

'Oh, really? Darn it!' said the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.'

'Well, now, not so fast,' said the cop. 'Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?'

'Oh, no, no', said the old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot.

On game days , a lot of  fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my  flower garden. It used to really tick me off.    Kills the flowers, you  now.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game  days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my garden pruners.

Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, and say,  'O.K., buddy! "Give me $20, or off it comes."

'Well, that seems only fair, ' said the cop, laughing. 'OK. Good luck!

"Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'

'Well, you know', said the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on March 25, 2009, 12:03:30 PM

The Wongs
 

Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year,  the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,  but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,  so I think we will name him...

 
Are you ready for this?
 




Sum Ting Wong

You know you laughed          ha ha



Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on May 17, 2009, 11:15:17 AM
ZA Facebook
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Bertie Horak on May 17, 2009, 12:52:05 PM
Ha-ha! Those charts on the foreground probably shows the company's productivity - it makes sense...
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 04, 2010, 07:09:18 PM
Garry is back again...

>The Tiger Woods Foundation today announced a new sponsor to replace Gillette. It has been confirmed that, for the 2010 season, Mr Woods will be sponsored by Tampax, the international feminine hygiene company. Said a Tampax spokesperson, “Sponsoring a po*s during a bad period is exactly what our company is about”. <

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 09, 2010, 09:25:44 PM
THE POSTMAN

 

 

 

One Monday morning the Postman is riding through the neighbourhood

on his usual route, delivering the mail.   As he approaches one of the

homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. 

His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a

load of empty beer and liquor bottles for the recycling bin.

 

'Wow Derek, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,'

The Postman comments.

 

Derek, in obvious babalas discomfort, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night.

This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.   We

Had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and

it got a bit wild.   We all got so drunk around midnight that we started

playing WHO AM I.'

 

The Postman thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

 

'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet.   Then the women tries to guess who it is.'

 

The Postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' Derek responded. 'Your name came up 7 times.'

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 09, 2010, 09:26:51 PM
Deborah Patta: “Julias, if you had failed grade 12 would you have committed suicide?”

Julias: “Me commit a suicide?... I'd rather kill myself than doing such a horrible thing.”
 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on February 10, 2010, 08:51:50 PM
10/10  such a good take on our  very own  home grown possibly another JZ illegitimate child with nothing better than empty rhetoric  constantly repeated   just with a different angle each time .. that overgrown child makes me  sick  to the core ...
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 12, 2010, 03:48:35 PM
A TV INTERVIEW WHICH WAS NEVER AIRED IN THE UK ......


You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programmes.

In a rural programme for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter ....

The interview was as follows:

The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"

The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

Reporter (obviously embarrassed) : "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information... but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"

Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"

Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

The programme was never aired .   .   .   . 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 12, 2010, 03:54:40 PM
The Pasta Diet
The Pasta Diet and Your Health
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walk pasta da bakery.

2... You walka pasta da candy store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4.. You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

AND....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the English.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

5.. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Nou praat ek maar Afrikaans!

(Now I only speak Afrikaans)

 

Best you learn Abo, Mick!!!

Georg, Deutsch uber alles!!!

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 17, 2010, 07:03:23 PM
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a  young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
   
He   says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline.
 
Have you ever used  the product?"
 
She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
 
"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"
 
"We use it for sex."
 
The researcher was a little taken back.
 
"Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's  bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But,  in fact, I know that  most people do use it for sex.  I admire you for your honesty. Since  you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for  sex?"
 
The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put  it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 17, 2010, 07:10:02 PM
HE MADE THIS SPEECH IN NEW YORK...   

The Plan!
Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says,
'I love New York ' in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams...
Even if he's nuts!
Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message..

Robin Williams' plan...
(Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace.
So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys'. We will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there.
We would station troops at our borders.
No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and deported  immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!!
(France will welcome them.)

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days, unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness.
The caribou will have to cope for a while

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else and they can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites should be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH... learn it... or LEAVE...
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You wanna piece of me?!'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 17, 2010, 07:13:36 PM
 CLASSIC..HAHAHAHA

The Pope and Jacob Zuma died on the same day and because of an
administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Jacob Zuma went to
heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and
after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error. "However",
the clerk explains, "it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified".

Next day the Pope is called and Hell's staff bids him farewell.

On the way up, the Pope meets Jacob Zuma coming down from heaven and
they stop to have a chat.

"Sorry about the mix up", apologizes the Pope.
"No problem" replied Jacob Zuma,

Pope: "I am really anxious to get to heaven"
Zuma: "Why is that?"
Pope: "All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary"
Zuma: "You're a day late"
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on February 19, 2010, 02:40:36 PM
SEEM TO THINK THIS  IS  A  PLAY ON  AN  OLD ONE . BUT  IT  TICKLED ME ANYHOW..

If you did not understand the minister’s budget speech here it goes…………………
Economic recovery

It is a slow day in the small Eastern Cape Province town of King William’s Town   , and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A rich tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the hotel, and lays a R200 note on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the R200 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the R200 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Farmer's Co-op.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the R200 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the R200 back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the R200 note and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything... However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the South African government is conducting business today.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on February 19, 2010, 02:43:44 PM
ITS  FRIDAY , MY  MOOD  GOOD  ABOUT TO  duck OUT EARLY .. HERES ANOTHER ONE..

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

I LOVE THIS ONE...........
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!"


FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!

 cat3
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 19, 2010, 03:49:48 PM
 16_1_231
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 20, 2010, 02:30:15 PM
History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word:


10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
 
9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
 
8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
 
7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the f*** are we?" – Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK,   1963

AND ...  drum roll please ...


The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .....

"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
 
 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on February 21, 2010, 04:54:06 PM




 bravo image281 image281 image281 image281 image04


Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 23, 2010, 06:40:59 AM
1. The serial killer and his victim are walking through a dark scary bush. “I'm scared” says the victim. “You think you scared” says the killer, “I have to walk back alone.”

2. Two blondes chatting : Blonde 1: “I went for a pregnancy test.” Blonde 2: “Were the questions difficult?”

3. Johnny swears a lot. The priest asks him if he's not scared of meeting Satan. Johnny says “You the one that must be scared, you talk sh*t about him every Sunday.”

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on February 23, 2010, 03:48:41 PM



                    image281 image281 image281 thnx image04
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 23, 2010, 06:22:36 PM
A TV INTERVIEW WHICH WAS NEVER AIRED IN THE UK ......


You know there are so many TV channels, each starved of new programmes.

In a rural programme for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter ....

The interview was as follows:

The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"

The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"

Reporter (obviously embarrassed) : "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information... but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"

Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"

Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

The programme was never aired .   .   .   . 
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 23, 2010, 07:10:22 PM
A small zoo in Brakpan acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a
few
weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon
examination the vet discovered the problem. The gorilla was in season.
To
make matters worse there was no male gorilla available.

Pondering over their problem the zoo-keeper thought of Frik van Wyk, a
local
lad and part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Frik,
like many of the Brakpan men-folk, had little sense but possessed ample
ability to satisfy a female of any species. The zoo-keeper thought they
might have a solution.

Frik was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with
the
gorilla for R5000? Frik showed some interest but said he would have to
think
the matter over carefully.

The following day he announced that he would accept their offer, but
only
under 4 conditions:

  "First", Frik said "I'm not going to kiss her on the lips!" The keeper
quickly agreed to this condition.
  "Second", he said, "You can never tell anybody about this." The keeper
again readily agreed to this condition.
  "Third" said Frik "I want all the babies raised as Blue Bulls
supporters."
Once again it was agreed.
  "Fourth and last of all, " Frik said, "You'll need to give me another
week
to come up with the R5000."
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on February 25, 2010, 04:26:47 AM


After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.
 
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
 
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."
 
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
 
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basket a food.
She brough at da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket.
The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'
 
So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.
 
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.' "We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.  meanpuff
 
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car  164        anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice...
 
'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'
 
Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."
............................................. image04





Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 25, 2010, 07:18:33 PM
 Hot(1)
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 25, 2010, 07:18:54 PM
If this does not touch your heart, then you just don't have one.....

An incredible story of luck and inspiration!

 

 



 

Can you believe it? This guy wins $181 million in the lottery last Wednesday, and then finds the love of his life just 2 days later.

Talk about LUCK!
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Diana Rudd (Boehme) on February 25, 2010, 08:51:00 PM
Well if I had $181million dollars I'm sure I to would find many loves of my life within 2 days.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on February 25, 2010, 09:33:33 PM
Including many long  lost relatives and friends crawling out of the woodwork   .... well put Diana   16_1_231
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 25, 2010, 10:28:35 PM
Sory. The pic wouldn't upload. Bitmap doesn't go on this site.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on March 04, 2010, 06:45:51 AM
Doctor Steve had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day
long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The
guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every now and then he'd
hear an reasuring inner voice in his head that said:
"Steve, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to
sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're
single. Just let it go."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality
whispering...
Steve....
Steve ......
Steve...........
Steve.............
STEVE….
............you're a vet!
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 07, 2010, 05:17:29 PM
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it
inside.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 07, 2010, 05:17:53 PM
Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by
mistake - both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 07, 2010, 05:18:55 PM
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I
mean, a ginger haired kid, with two friends?
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 07, 2010, 05:19:38 PM
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick
pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 07, 2010, 05:20:10 PM
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a
fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on April 10, 2010, 11:33:48 AM



 sorriso2 sorriso2 sorriso2..............like the Harry Potter one................. image04


Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: SandyB on April 12, 2010, 08:35:24 PM
 Now  now  Georg ... ginger  hair with  more than two friends ....   I  recall you all had thick auburn  hair ,,, close relative to  the ginger cousins ...  thankfully the only ginger hair  I  have  is on my arms ...  scots blood ....   16_1_231
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:46:14 PM
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take   

to fly from   San Francisco  to   New York City  ?'   

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:47:23 PM
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks   

Him how he is feeling.   

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.   

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.   

'Oops!'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:48:14 PM
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of   

bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had   

even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.   

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'   

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'   

He's still in intensive care.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:49:10 PM
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.   

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'   

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:49:48 PM
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'   

The father replied.  'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:50:27 PM
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took   

the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'   

'Me neither doc,' said the husband.   

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on April 21, 2010, 05:51:03 PM
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has   

been living with for the last 40 years.   

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that   

were used to put the curse on you.' 

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on April 22, 2010, 04:07:18 AM



George!!.....................the day is a lot brighter after reading these   image201 image201.............. image04





Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on July 14, 2010, 06:58:01 PM
APPARENTLY
 AN IRISH WOMAN SOCCER SUPPORTER WAS SCARED TO COME TO SOUTH AFRICA
BECAUSE SHE HEARD SHE MIGHT HAVE TO BLOW A ZULUFELLA
 
 
 



Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Patricia Lotte on July 15, 2010, 06:48:16 AM
 image201 image201 image201
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 19, 2010, 12:29:11 PM
You think English is easy?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was

time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow..

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in

eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in

pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or

French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while

sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English

 for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that

quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a

guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a

vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be

committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what

language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that

run and feet that smell?


How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while

a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to

marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your

house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in

a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by

going on.


English was invented by people, not computers, and it

reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is

not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they

are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings

than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP

a report ?


We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. 

A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,

for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

Now it's UP to you what you do with this email.

 

 

What a f @%ked UP language
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 22, 2010, 12:46:51 PM
Chilean miner making love to his wife for the first time since getting

out of the hole:

"can we switch the lights off?"

"of course honey"

"can I have you from behind?"

"anything you want my brave husband"

"can I call you Pedro...?"

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Patricia Lotte on October 27, 2010, 11:51:04 AM
A coloured and black guy were watching animal planet and it was a show about the great white shark.
The black guy says "This is unfair why do great things have to be white? Why cant we have a great black shark?
The coloured says, "No man, why can’t there be a great coloured shark?"
The black guy turns amazed and says "Tjo, A shark with no teeth, now thats wrong!"
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: Patricia Lotte on October 27, 2010, 11:51:43 AM
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in
their new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only
a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going
to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling'.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious
Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick
Japanese accent asked 'What you sell?' One of the men replied
sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'Ah Sooo You doing velly
well, only two left'.
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on October 30, 2010, 08:13:34 PM
 arse  image04
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on November 04, 2010, 08:17:06 PM
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.

She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and
says,  'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere'

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on February 19, 2011, 12:46:59 PM
Subject: Fwd: Which country has the best pubs?



> "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
> back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The
> landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks,
> he'll buy the fifth drink."
>
> "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red
> Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first
> two."
>
> "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in me favorite
> pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink,
> then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had
> enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid,
> all on the house!"
>
> The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The
> Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to
> you?" he was asked.
>
> "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did
> happen to me sister quite a few times ...."

Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: georg ruf jr. on March 04, 2011, 04:33:17 PM
A blonde orders a beer.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them... The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.   

Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens. So after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

He is laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'

'Duh,' says the blonde, 'He has a licker license!'
Title: Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
Post by: toonfandangl on March 07, 2011, 01:33:14 PM

BierSuip sorriso2 sorriso2 sorriso2.................................................. image04