Author Topic: Carl's Joke Collection.  (Read 10172 times)

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Offline Carl Wrbka

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #30 on: June 09, 2008, 01:54:23 PM »
Bongani, is the man !


TEACHER : Why are you late?
BONGANI : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BONGANI : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."   


TEACHER : Bongani, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BONGANI : You told me to do it without using tables!


TEACHER : Bongani, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BONGANI : "K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BONGANI : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!   


TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BONGANI : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BONGANI : Yesterday you said it's H to O! 

 
TEACHER : Bongani, go to the map and find North America .
BONGANI : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered North America ? 
CLASS : BONGANI!


TEACHER : Bongani, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BONGANI : No, teacher, it's the same dog!


TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking, when people are no longer interested?
BONGANI : A teacher


Offline Carl Wrbka

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #31 on: July 13, 2008, 08:31:51 AM »
Viskoekies

Die meisie bring haar nuwe krel vir die eerste keer huis toe vir ete. Halfpad deur die maaltyd s die jong man: "Hene tannie, dit is beslis die lekkerste viskoekies wat ek nog ooit geeet het." Met die pomp die meisie hom hard in die ribbekas met haar elmboog en fluister hard: "EET MET DIE ANDER HAND, DIS PAMPOENKOEKIES!"

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #32 on: July 14, 2008, 07:44:56 AM »
I'm sure I'd understand, if I new what "Pampoenkoekies" are.
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline DUNJA WRBKA

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #33 on: July 14, 2008, 06:24:14 PM »
PUMPKIN FRITTERS JNR ... 202   swink
Don't sweat the small shit!

Offline Carl Wrbka

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #34 on: October 15, 2008, 09:00:30 AM »
Braai Rules

We will soon enter the summer and the Braai season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking that a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the Braai the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the braai - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE BRAAI.

More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with the situation.

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE BRAAI AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, serviettes,sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....


Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #35 on: October 15, 2008, 09:37:31 AM »
That's realy a hard life for SA men, geez. you women are realy hard to please.
While I was reading this I thought: "How lucky must SA women be having such generous husbands." and then...??
Very disapointing.
 rooster
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline Paula Gottsch (Willson)

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #36 on: October 15, 2008, 02:59:32 PM »
 thumper image21

 image14

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #37 on: October 15, 2008, 04:27:51 PM »
So you're back in SA again Paula??
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline Carl Wrbka

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #38 on: November 06, 2008, 08:26:54 AM »
The first of the flood of Obama jokes that is guaranteed to follow...


America's new problem...

Offline Carl Wrbka

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #39 on: November 06, 2008, 08:30:41 AM »
Seen on a truck in Durban recently...   (Thanks to Bertie for sending this one in)

Offline Carl Wrbka

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #40 on: November 06, 2008, 08:39:30 AM »
 
TOP 4
 

Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

Third Place :

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his
wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist
appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it,
but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once
that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'


Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast
table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a
jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples
are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the
other is in your oatmeal




 

 



Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Carl's Joke Collection.
« Reply #41 on: November 06, 2008, 11:25:29 AM »
 image201
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74