Author Topic: Tik Monster  (Read 8202 times)

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Offline Lance Olivier

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #15 on: July 14, 2008, 09:55:54 PM »
Why is it that some people just seem to switch off from life? Agreed most probably that drugs/acohol or personal circumstances are the main reasons, but maybe there's something else. I have spoken to this one guy in my local on the odd occasion who is living on the streets. He is a very intelligent person (and very knowledgeable on music with a great singing voice to match), draughtsman by profession, but he sits in the pub all day getting drinks from people that know him. He has had job offers from people that would like to help him, but he seems to want to stay in the predicament that he is in. He was married and has kids who apparently are living overseas. Feel very sorry for him but he also refuses help. Have even spoken about inviting him to our family Xmas dinner, but he says he has his pride. Just my 5 cents worth.
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Offline Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee)

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2008, 10:04:38 PM »
What should happen is that his friends in the bar should stop buying drinks for him!  They are not helping him at all.  If he has to pay for his own habbits, maybe then he will think again about getting a job.  Why should he bother to earn money, when someone else just keeps paying for his bad habbits (I think that's his motto)!  He says he has his pride  -  maybe his pride lies in the fact that he knows when he goes to your house for dinner or Christmas, he has to maybe wash the odd dish or two, and that is asked to much of him  -  like you are feeding him the crumbs from the table. 

Maybe I am to harsh on people like that  -      idontknow    -  but sometimes I get the feeling that they are the biggest spungers you get on the face of the earth.  Everyone else has to earn up for their proplems and feel sorry for them, but they never do anything about it themselves.  I mean, why does this specific person not go into a diner and wait for someone to buy him food  -  why does he have to go to the bar in order to get liquer?
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Offline SandyB

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #17 on: July 14, 2008, 10:13:08 PM »
Delia .. waht you have written about the spark in the eyes  reminds me so much of the Jonathan ... its sad but they just cannot seem to make it over that threshold .. In my own family we had almost a similar situation  .. my nephew CJ  . he was given the break year after matric .. well he went south .. my brother  lost it and after  one  year that became two years of " break' was about to push him out of the house .. This crisis caused major strain to the marriage and home ..  My Sis ( sister in law  San )  confided in me the whole time ..  the what to do etc .. then one day she walked past his room and he was talking to a friend ..  his  words were .. " i have put myself here .. i am now in a swamp and i feel as though I'm walking through mud .. I wish it could be different but the mud is holding me back "   on tihs  basis  he was given more time ..  well today .. he is married setteld .. making his own footsteps .. but it was a scary time for  them .. either choice could have had a good or  bad outcome ... but then again thats the risk of parenthood hey ??  where are the limits .. where are the  boundaries ?/   are we stifling ?/ are we  being too liberal ??  judgement calls at  each step of the  way ..
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Offline Michael Alexander

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #18 on: July 14, 2008, 10:20:33 PM »
@Lance..... give me the name of the local, so I know where to get some free beer!    BierSuip
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Offline Lance Olivier

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #19 on: July 15, 2008, 10:01:34 PM »
Maybe you guys got me wrong on this one. The said person in my previous mail, never begs or asks for drinks, but will just sit in a boozer all day, not necesarily the local but in other pubs in the area, in the "hope" of getting a dop, drinks water mostly or anything he doesn't have to pay for (OLD friends look after him; not only dop wise). People do not just buy this guy drinks higgledy piggledy as he doesn't sponge. He had a job, walked away from it, and doesn't seem to want to work, "lost the spark for work/life" (as mentioned he had a good job, is an intelligent man, no duck egg here). This for me is the main issue, as when does a person decide to give it all up. On one occasion when speaking to him the subject revolved around Matzos and he told me he loved the stuff, with butter and Marmite same as I like to eat it. Told my wife the story that night and the next day she went and bought a packet of Matzos, tub of butter and a bottle of Marmite for me to take to this guy. When I gave it to him he was so grateful. Anyone who is invited to our house is not expected to wash dishes nor eat crumbs from the table, it's an invitation "full stop". Nobody should be alone at Xmas time.
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Offline SandyB

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #20 on: July 15, 2008, 10:27:30 PM »
@ lance .. sentiments agreed .. difficult call .. whats most important is that we ask the why ?/ why do people fall of  the  edge of the regular world ??  and yes people with good hearts want to help .. its the how much  and what is appropriate ??
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Offline Diana Rudd (Boehme)

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #21 on: July 15, 2008, 10:32:46 PM »
One can only be helped, if one is willing to help ones self. All the help in the world leads to nothing if the person has lost the will.
O.P.S -1969, Springfield Convent -1970, Holy Cross Convent-1972., Centaurus-1974
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Offline pam spackman

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #22 on: July 15, 2008, 10:34:15 PM »
Hi there Lance, just read your posts, if this guy is not on drugs and he is not a drunk
p'raps he is overly depressed,and  should go to the dr s and get some treatment  and a course of

anti depressants..........just a thought          idontknow

Offline Rhona

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #23 on: July 15, 2008, 10:39:26 PM »
Maybe he is happy with his lot - just because he doesn't conform to the norm doesn't mean he is a drop-out! The guy doesn't ask for anything but appreciates what is offered; he doesn't go out to work a 9 to 5, but then maybe he doesn't want to be part of the rat race and at the end of the day - he isn't hurting anyone by his actions, so why change a man that is happy...........

my 2 cent worth  cat1.gif

Offline pam spackman

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #24 on: July 15, 2008, 10:43:59 PM »

That is if he is happy..............is he? who knows idontknow

Offline Lance Olivier

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #25 on: July 15, 2008, 11:28:57 PM »
Sandy, Dianne, Rhona, Pam: Thanks for the comments; appreciated. Fully agree people are responsible for their own actions, decisions and whatever, after all this guy is two or three years older than me, not that age matters. Just a pity it's such a waste of talent.
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Clive Symes

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #26 on: July 26, 2008, 11:50:21 PM »
Drug addiction is a disease, as parents we need to realise that we did not cause it, we cannot control it, and we cannot cure it.
By hiding the addicts actions and covering up their "lapses" making excuses for them we actively aid them in their addiction, its only when they themselves are forced into realizing there is a problem can anything be done about it.
They have to ask for help otherwise all we are doing in enabling them.

Like an alcholic, one's too many and 1000 is not enough.

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #27 on: August 12, 2008, 11:29:23 PM »
Three things you need to sick to when it comes to addicts of any kind.
1) NEVER convict.
2) AID
3) You must realise an addict only has a real chance if he's learning to be responsable. Always a central subject in therapy.
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Clive Symes

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #28 on: August 13, 2008, 09:28:47 PM »
Some addicts do make the transition, but some I know of, after using various drugs for 20 years years or more dont' seem to be able to make it.  A lot say with Gods help, little realizing God expects them to make the effort.
Some are forced into rehab by family and or go in to rehab for the wrong reasons. Once they leave they usually tend to revert back to the same lifestyle, sinking even lower.
Listening to family and friends of addicts relate their experiences, tends to put things into perspective. Addicts are usually self centered and unable to express their feelings except when on something, and Tik tends to turn this into aggression.
They all have similar traits, lying, stealing, cheating not able to keep commitments etc.
Only when an addict has sunk so low that he has neither family or friends that care any longer, and refuse to enable him or her  may they eventually come to realize that they needs to change. Often it is too late. As a parent one has to deceide for oneself how far you are prepared to let it go, we may not like the addict but we will always love the child we brought into this world. Addiction is a disease, just like any other.
It affects not only the addict but the family around the addict. Its only once we change our behavour that the addict may change his or her's and we need our own sanity in order to be ready to help once the addict decides to change ( if they ever do)

I know of someone whose parents would not even allow his clothes to ge dropped of at their house, because they know he will dissapoint them again and cannot entertain the hurt this entails.
A user since the age of 12 and now in his mid 30's his mind has changed, he is psycotic and I doubt that the changes are reversable. At this age he does not even own the clothes he wears, its a shame, because when he wants he can hold a job ( for a couple of weeks, and be good at it) until he has that first pay packet, then life goes into a quick spiral down as he can get the drugs he needs.
This time he has committed himself to a rehabcentre, hopefully for the right reasons and is prepared to work for the centre in order to be in a safe enviroment so that hopefully he can change.
I pray that he makes it, because his time and opporunitys are running out.

Offline SandyB

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Re: Tik Monster
« Reply #29 on: August 13, 2008, 09:33:18 PM »
Well put together summation  of the  scenario  Clive ...
To see  sometimes  requires that you  first believe .