Author Topic: Garrys reimported Jokes.  (Read 20992 times)

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Offline Florrie van Zyl (Muir)

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #75 on: November 17, 2008, 05:52:54 AM »
Can't leave him there, he is carrying the wallet.
OPS 1969-1975, Centaurus 1975-1980

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #76 on: December 11, 2008, 06:31:06 AM »
I've been after my hubby to get the Christmas lights up for a couple of weeks.

They are up now and we're not speaking.
 
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline Paula Gottsch (Willson)

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #77 on: December 11, 2008, 03:12:00 PM »
 image201

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #78 on: December 11, 2008, 03:22:40 PM »
Does that look familiar to you Paula?
 cuqui
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #79 on: December 12, 2008, 06:32:33 AM »
A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback village
and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog He figures he'll
have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie

"Hey, mind if I talk to your dog? "

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, stupid "

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate? "

Dog: "Doin' all  right. "

Aussi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat  you? "

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes
me to the lake once a week to play. "

Aussi: (look of utter  disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?  "

Aussi: "Uh, the horse don't  talk either. . . . I think. "

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?  "

Horse: "Cool"

Aussi: (absolutely dumbfounded, "as most Ozzys  look)

Ventriloquist: "Is  this your owner? " (pointing at the villager)

Horse:  "Yep"

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks  for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

Aussi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist:  "Mind if I talk to your sheep? "

Aussi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar.  "

Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #80 on: January 17, 2009, 08:55:18 PM »
An office manager was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a
job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four
people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and
ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them
would get the job.
The
day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked:

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man (A WHITE MAN), on his right, the man
replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning
that it's on the way;it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I
know of.""That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked the second man (A INDIAN MAN). "Hmm .... Let
me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye .....that's a
very popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to the third man (A BLACK MAN) who was contemplating his
reply." Well, out at my dad's FARM, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch & way out across
the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an ant. TURNING
ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light", he said.

Turning to the fourth and final man (A COLOURED MAN), the interviewer
posed the same question.
"It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already kakked in my pants!"

HE GOT THE JOB................??
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #81 on: February 10, 2009, 01:00:01 AM »
I have 2 dogs and was buying a large bag of Epol at Pick 'n Pay and was standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Epol Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25kg before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Epol nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.  I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
 
Silly woman..........why else would I buy dog food???

Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline Patricia Lotte

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #82 on: February 10, 2009, 06:23:44 AM »
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two  large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'

'Oh, really? Darn it!' said the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.'

'Well, now, not so fast,' said the cop. 'Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?'

'Oh, no, no', said the old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot.

On game days , a lot of  fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my  flower garden. It used to really tick me off.    Kills the flowers, you  now.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game  days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my garden pruners.

Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, and say,  'O.K., buddy! "Give me $20, or off it comes."

'Well, that seems only fair, ' said the cop, laughing. 'OK. Good luck!

"Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'

'Well, you know', said the little old lady, 'not everybody pays.'
OPS ('74-'79)
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Offline toonfandangl

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #83 on: March 25, 2009, 12:03:30 PM »

The Wongs
 

Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year,  the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,  but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,  so I think we will name him...

 
Are you ready for this?
 




Sum Ting Wong

You know you laughed          ha ha



Freedom is the freedom to say two plus two makes four. If this is granted then all else follows".......George Orwell 1984........UTRINQUE PARATUS.

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #84 on: May 17, 2009, 11:15:17 AM »
ZA Facebook
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline Bertie Horak

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #85 on: May 17, 2009, 12:52:05 PM »
Ha-ha! Those charts on the foreground probably shows the company's productivity - it makes sense...
Oranjemund 1965-1982.

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #86 on: February 04, 2010, 07:09:18 PM »
Garry is back again...

>The Tiger Woods Foundation today announced a new sponsor to replace Gillette. It has been confirmed that, for the 2010 season, Mr Woods will be sponsored by Tampax, the international feminine hygiene company. Said a Tampax spokesperson, “Sponsoring a po*s during a bad period is exactly what our company is about”. <

Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #87 on: February 09, 2010, 09:25:44 PM »
THE POSTMAN

 

 

 

One Monday morning the Postman is riding through the neighbourhood

on his usual route, delivering the mail.   As he approaches one of the

homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. 

His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a

load of empty beer and liquor bottles for the recycling bin.

 

'Wow Derek, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,'

The Postman comments.

 

Derek, in obvious babalas discomfort, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night.

This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.   We

Had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and

it got a bit wild.   We all got so drunk around midnight that we started

playing WHO AM I.'

 

The Postman thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

 

'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet.   Then the women tries to guess who it is.'

 

The Postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' Derek responded. 'Your name came up 7 times.'

Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline georg ruf jr.

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #88 on: February 09, 2010, 09:26:51 PM »
Deborah Patta: “Julias, if you had failed grade 12 would you have committed suicide?”

Julias: “Me commit a suicide?... I'd rather kill myself than doing such a horrible thing.”
 
Nothing special. Just some clips I put in youtube.de
http://de.youtube.com/results?search_query=bigbug74&search_type=&aq=f
Please comment! It may help promote our volleyball-club.
Skype: bigbug74

Offline SandyB

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Re: Garrys reimported Jokes.
« Reply #89 on: February 10, 2010, 08:51:50 PM »
10/10  such a good take on our  very own  home grown possibly another JZ illegitimate child with nothing better than empty rhetoric  constantly repeated   just with a different angle each time .. that overgrown child makes me  sick  to the core ...
« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 09:06:24 PM by SandyB »
To see  sometimes  requires that you  first believe .