Author Topic: State Mental Hospital Phone Menu  (Read 1379 times)

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Offline Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee)

  • 1973 - 1983
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State Mental Hospital Phone Menu
« on: October 25, 2007, 09:03:13 PM »
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:

 
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier. Friendship is a sheltering tree.

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of other cannot keep it from themselves.

Offline Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee)

  • 1973 - 1983
  • Oranjemunder
  • *****
  • Posts: 2150
  • Karma: +10/-0
  • To be of service - not to be served!
Re: State Mental Hospital Phone Menu
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2007, 09:06:40 PM »

I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called LifeLine.
I was put through to a 'call centre' in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal.
They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could
drive a truck or fly an aeroplane....
Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier. Friendship is a sheltering tree.

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of other cannot keep it from themselves.

Offline Donald Duck

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Re: State Mental Hospital Phone Menu
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2007, 09:11:41 PM »
 ;D ;D