AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE

[henniek]

this is no joke

[Michael Alexander]

Education is an important life skill that everyone should be allowed to experience.....!

[toonfandangl]

Love this guy seen his HIGH HORSE TOUR in AUSSIE in 2015 sadly he is suffering from Parkinson Disease.
Here are some one liners
"Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on." "Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit." "There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter." "My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."

"A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand." "I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your and let a rottweiler chase you home."

"Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was 'How are you getting on?'" "I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives."

"Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's."
"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards."

Read more at: https://www.scotsman.com/lifestyle/75-of-billy-connolly-s-best-jokes-one-liners-and-quips-1-4629144

[henniek]

 

[Michael Alexander]

Jan gets home stone drunk 2AM one Saturday morning and does not recall anything about what happened after about 10:30 Friday night or how he even got home. Expecting the lecture of his life and some serious silent treatment from the Mrs after he wakes up on Saturday he is astonished on waking up to find a beautifully prepared breakfast in bed with his favourite hangover cure. In fact as the day progresses his Mrs is very happy with him. Thinking this is some new type of torture and it the plan is to spring it on him later he gets more and more nervous. Eventually by the next day he can't stand the suspension anymore and asks his wife when she is gonna let him have it. The wife laughing asks "So you really don't remember what happened when you got home that night?"

He mutely shakes his head trying for the life of him to figure out what he possibly could have done or said to earn this.

She tells him, "You rolled into bed, and when I pulled on your shoulder to shout at you you said:
"Get lost whench, I'm married!".