Oranjemund Online

The act of putting ones feeling in script and yes putting it out there  requires some courage .. thats the one thing I still dont lack ..  below me bared ...


From my  Heart  , something to share   ...
Today I  did a long meditational  walk  in the labyrinth at the peace garden  , did a prayer/ wish  thing ...asked for advice  ...  I  had  to  accede to the fact that I must  " let go"  and not always try to be so in control of events .. the act of letting go .. submitting to the  will of the universe is not always an easy  act for me to follow , especially  as I like to have a bit of control over life events .. in the  last  6 months +  since   opening the restaurant ,, I have had  had double the load ,, a day job  where our company is going through  indeed even more  interesting times in this year  , the  supposed  economic recovery on the horizon but  not yet there and in the meantime  we hanging in and  keeping the ship afloat  .. the  new restaurant venture  started out in  these interesting times has indeed been another load  albeit an interesting and  enjoyable challenge ....  But .....                                                                                 
The realization creeping in the last  weeks that I have overextended  myself on a physical , mental and spiritual/ soul basis , trying  so hard to be an agent / precipitator of change  has eroded  my  core , my spiritual center  , finding myself in a space where  it seems even my  pleasure receptors are switched off ,   right now I cannot even  get peace  or pleasure from sitting  quietly in  our lovely garden , cannot get peace  or feeling of connection   to myself , beautiful music  is but there and no longer  capable of making my senses soar ..   so hard to describe the feeling but yes  a kind of   "deadness"    to the point that I  cannot even shed a tear of self pity  at the situation  , all that exists is a dull ache in me  , physical manifestation in pain soul  pain   ,,,  longing for more carefree times ..  wishing that at least I had John by my side  to  help me through this , all impossible so I am going to have to work through this  on my  own ,,,
That I realize  ,that  I have  acknowledged , that I am writing and sharing  and  have  made a decision  to do  "something "   that something  being to  " let go"  for a while and let the universe  take care  of things , a huge leap of trust in the intangible  but I have to do it   , I want  to be able  to  again stand in awe of the universe  and creation  and marvel  at all ....
Worse of this is  it has eroded at  the core of friendships in my life as I have not been able to  give time there either ...  no guilt  feeling as I'm sure they understand , but yes to allow the quality time again  is important ..
Also  time to put   the mask  of  " its all ok " on back burner ...
Most important I will come through this  stronger , but for now am weak ...
Bear with me ...

And thanks for being strong to the core in order to share your weak moment/point with us all.

If we were not able to share, how sad in life we would truly be...  that is where so many take the wrong route, because words and expressions do not come easy ...  Why do we, as a society and as friends who are supposed to share, go into a mode of numb/deafness when we are presided with confessional shared emotions like this?  Do we see it as too much of a 'please help me' and we ourselves do not know how to present that help?  Are we scared to get involved into the deeper emotional side of things?

Sure, we can't exactly give the answers or even get to the core of the problem, because we are not all equally tuned to the more spiritual side of feelings and inner turmoils, but we can all be listeners.

Sandy, don't you dare not share -  many of us, or most of us have been to some point in our lives where we get to this absolute 'no move' point and where we do not know what direction to take from where we are and where we wish that we may have made other decisions, but cannot undo what is and was.  Problem is, most of us do not know how to identify this problem in ourselves and name it in three words "I AM DOWN" or mostly the doctors call it 'depression'. 

You are able to dig deep and do more introspection to find the true core of Sandy inside yourself  -  the Sandy who is not remote controlled by circumstances, but the one who leads with heart, soul and spirit!!

All the best in your journey (and you have my phone number !!!!)

Dalene  Thanks for the encouragement  there is a message in what I wrote to all  as well  ,, 
IE :  Be  in touch with yourself ..  listen to yourself ..  recognise , & deal with  it ..

but also dont  opt  out of lifes responsibilities   in toto ,, cos then  youre copping out ,

as noted  I   state I must   sort of let go  for a while , a decision that will shape how I deal with things ..  the true  honest  writing down of how I feel is  catharic in its own as part  of  getting back  to where one wants to be  .

Another challenge this  is , albeit of a different nature  to the  day to day of life ..

Hi Sandy,
                 I'm sure you've read this many times, but one more reading is always good for the soul.
Sterkte,
Bob.

DESIDERATA

    Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

    Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

    Strive to be happy.


    --- Max Ehrmann, 1927

Sandy,

Through sharing you lance the boil! Sorry for the gruesome picture of puss flying everywhere but if you need a metaphor - this is it. Let the ugh stuff out

You do have an online support crew who are more than willing to lend some advice and act as a sounding-board to your frustrations, concerns, anger etc. Share the pain and you will seed the idea for a process to get through this dip. Yes it is a dip.

Also, you might want to buy this book http://tinyurl.com/q5hkum (http://tinyurl.com/q5hkum) for some inspiration. Yeah ok, not exactly what you might want but it is a good read. The author, Hugh MacLeod started out his lonely journey to fame and fortune only a few years ago in New York propping up a bar counter each night after leaving work as a cubicle resident at an advertising agency. No friends, no real prospects until........... he drew on the reverse of a business card.

In your case, you created Frangipani. And it is a good thing you did. You have my Skype number? If not here it is: +44 2081 446492

OK so what you gawking at now? Shoo, go, run, get out of my face, hardloop okie, voetsek and bounce back quickly!

From the pure moods album ..

Sandy,  Throughout life you will always be asking yourself that question did I do the right thing, should I have taken on the projects that are in front of me and can I carry them through too fruition. Reading your post you seem to be at a low ebb, and when this emotional time finally runs its course you will still be there and still the person you have always been. We never own anything we just have it awee while, even the richest person and by that I mean material and spiritually rich will have to let go as life takes its course. I did knew your Mum and Dad 'Jock' your Dad was Foreman of the boiler shop and I was still a young man and had a young family and I remember getting an overseas phone call telling me my father had past away quite suddenly, and I'm not sure if that phone call was relayed to other individuals in Oranjemund remember in those days the telephone exchange was manual, 'Jock' was kind to me understood my loss he sent me home that day although the shift had started. You are from good stock Sandy I hope this present roller coast of events passes quickly and more favourable times emerge good luck Frank.

Thanks Frank < I know  and acknowledge  the good parents I ahd  .. Looking  at it all it  was  a lament  and a want to  be back to the whimsical  in touch with heart and spirit  me ..  and putting  that awareness  of   desire out there  to the universe and for all to see has set me back on that course , My lesson from this all is  to  try keep the balance ,, mmm  methinks I just lost the plot a bit cos I was so wrapped up  in " babysitting"  two  business interests ,,  I am feeling much more at peace with  everything  again ..  fantasy-18

 3d smiles(281)

Observe  the chirpy  old Sandy is back ...  feel the whimsical  soul spiritual being  finding the path  to my center again .. it feels good .. thanks for the encouragement ...   fantasy-18

Good For you Sandy, enjoy the Karma point I just awarded thee.....

allgood

Stumbled upon this posting  of mine ...  me sitting  and listening  to good soothing music .. taking me time .. all well , been through even more challenging times  on  the " day job "  despite some days feeling as though I'm gonna have a  headburst and heart attack combined  due to  circumstances beyond my control  that  I can only try to manage and do damage control  and wondering where its all going to  end and  whether the light at the end of that  economic tunnel is not the  freight train heading  for one ..   yet me still strong  and resolute ..

The shop  full of surprises  , we always get something else happening that spurs us forward ...

looking back I'm glad  I shared ..