Georg´s Joke collection

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

 
THE INSENSITIVE VENTRILOQUIST



A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town..
He's going through his usual run of off-colour and 'dumb blonde' jokes, when a
Well-dressed blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts:

"I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, you jerk! What makes
you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's
Hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being?"

"It's morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at
work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you
and your Neanderthal brethren continue to perpetuate negative images against
Not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs."

"You are a pathetic, misogynistic relic of the past, and what you do is not only
contrary to discrimination laws in every civilized country, it is deeply
Offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their
fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little
Maggot."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde yells:
SCROLL DOWN, 
       






















"You stay out of this mister!... I'm talking to that
little bastard on your knee."

[georg ruf jr.]

So you're back in buiseness again oldman???

 

[Paula Gottsch (Willson)]

Good one Dadswa!


 

I can just picture that incident, hey I'm blonde what do you want from me???????

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

Good one Dadswa!
I can just picture that incident, hey I'm blonde what do you want from me???????

No Paula, thats not you !!!

American blond it is, they are super blond i guess 

[Paula Gottsch (Willson)]

Ok Dadswa, what do you want from me, you being to nice, what's the catch?????

witch-43

[georg ruf jr.]

Didn't you read the title Paula???
"Georg joke collection".

[Paula Gottsch (Willson)]

 

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

HOW TO ATTACK A SNAKE - MILITARY STYLE, or, The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how too properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
checked his weight, and being a little concerned,
asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed, ' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and
rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional
and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,

'No wonder this baby is underweight..
You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said,
'I'm her Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

[Bertie Horak]

  

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

Thought for the day

Never hold your farts in

They travel up your spine, into your brain

and

that is where all the sh*ty ideas come from !!!!!!

[/size]

[Julie Vice (Willson)]

So that were George jnr's sh*ty idea came from when wrapping his friend up in plaster of paris

[georg ruf jr.]

Carefull there hey. Watch your step, hey!!

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back! 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies............



 





'You just happened to catch my eye.'