Georg´s Joke collection

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

A Very Short Story

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells back, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into huge pig in middle of road and dies.


Thought For the Day: If only men would listen

[Carl Wrbka]

 

[georg ruf jr.]

The be a good example oldman... 

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

Some Thoughts for Mike with Winhoek Lager




SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when
a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket
for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on
the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse
you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa
the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top ..............

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist.



She looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.



The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'



The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.



The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,



'Lord have mercy! 



I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.



That's against the law! I'll lose my license!



They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.



Absolutely not!  You CANNOT have any cyanide!'



The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.



The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different.



You didn't tell me you had a prescription.

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[Michael Alexander]

Chemical Humour!  @#$# 

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

 




A  young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne

and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new
wife asked, 'What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
'I had tolio as a child,' he answered.
'You mean polio?' she asked.
'No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes.'
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked
'What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!'
'As a child, I also had kneasles,' he explained.
'You mean measles?' she asked.
'No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.'
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
'Don't tell me,' she said.
'Let me guess...





 
Smallcox?'

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[Patricia Lotte]

 

[Carl Wrbka]

 

[georgswa (Georg Ruf) (RIP)]

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[Patricia Lotte]

Now I understand what happened to the blue chewing gum I swallowed ...