Suit against God

[Lance Olivier]

Read in the Cape Times this morning an article where a State Senator in the good old USA filed a lawsuit seeking a permanent injunction against God. He claims that God has made terroristic threats against the senator, his constituents, inspired fear and caused widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the earths inhabitants. The senator said he filed the lawsuit to prove that everyone should be accessible to the courts. The county judge ruled that the plaintiff must have access to the defendant (case thrown out because the Almighty was not served with papers because his home address is not listed).The judge stated "Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant, this action will be dismissed with prejudice". The senator who graduated from law school, but did not sit the bar exam responded " The court itself acknowledges the existence of God, a consequence of that acknowledgement is a recognition of God's omniscience and since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit" The senator has 30 days to appeal.
What is the world coming to? Will the Almighty pay the lawyers fees?

[Skinny]

There was a great movie that Billy Connolly starred in called the Man Who Sued God. He went to court about an insurance claim that was due to an Act of God. I think it was a huge storm that wrecked his home, so the insurance company would not pay out. He got all the Religeous Ministers, Rabbis etc to come to court to prove that God is a real person etc. It was so funny and yet poignant because if you read your insurance small print there are very definate areas that say you cannot claim against an act of God!
What happens if you are an atheist???
Makes you think hey?

[Michael Alexander]

I think his boat got struck by lightning!

[Carl Wrbka]

It will be interesting to see the outcome of this. How does a person sue God without making an absolute fool out of yourself and the country's legal system? Then again, those Americans will sue anybody to make a quick buck. Apparently theres a few thousand lawsuits pending against Osama and his sidekicks already.

[Skinny]

Carl, watch the movie and you will see how he did it.
It is a great movie and the brain wasn't working it was struck by ligtning thanks Mike!
Any way the Yankie Doodle Dandies are stupid and do sue for every thing and any thing, even obese people are suing McDonalds cause their food made them fat.
Oh well makes a change from T I A.

[Carl Wrbka]

That's a new one K. (yankee doodle dandies)... 202

My wife was accidently shot by a Coin Security cash in transit guard a couple of years ago and ended up with 54 birdshot pellets in her legs and back. When we sued Coin, our lawyer asked us what amount we had in mind. We thought R500 000 sounded reasonable at the time and mentioned the amount to him.

His reply: "Don't be ridiculous, you are not in America here."  Naturally, we went for a second opinion and were told the same by another lawyer. Eventually the case was settled out of court for R85 000. Our lawyer said that in America we would have gotten at least 3.5 million.

The advantage of their legal system is that it protects the small guy, unlike ours which protects the corporations and corrupt politicians.

[Bob Molloy]

Hi Lance,
             Greetings from an old friend of your father. I enjoyed your piece on the court case against God and got to thinking: what if?

What if we were to take political correctness to its logical conclusion? Would we have court cases in which otherwise very exemplary people, and perhaps even former heroes and world leaders, were pilloried?
The answer is yes because we already do
Let look at a hypothetical case. Here the names Beelzebub, Lucifer, Mephistopheles and Old Nick all appear as different people but in fact they all refer to one person, or rather entity, the Evil One himself.
Some of this may appear a bit sacrilegious but it is in fact a morality tale.
Imagine you have just opened your daily newspaper and found the following. .

CHRISTMAS DAY CHALLENGED

Arising from a legal challenge under the Civil Rights Act a Mr Beelzebub – acting for a plaintiff who gave an address in Gomorrah – asked the court to rule on the legality of Christmas Day as a compulsory break for all citizens regardless of belief. The State's case, based on the Act of Settlement which acknowledged the Church as one of the founding forces of the nation, looked set to easily rebuff the challenge.

Bishop Zacharias, called as a witness for the defence, said that the Church accepted Christ as the Son of God and His birth date as a solemn event which could not be regarded as an ordinary working day.  Beelzebub countered with the view that Christmas Day was based on improper information and was not in fact the birth date of Christ. Justice Pope demanded further evidence to substantiate this claim. Beelzebub responded by calling a witness who asked for name suppression.

This was granted and the witness, known to the court only as Mary, claimed to have had sexual relations with the Holy Ghost resulting in the birth of a son but added that the records had been falsified on the orders of King Herod. The birthplace, she said, was a stable behind an inn in the village of Bethlehem.  She believed the month was December but could not attest as to the year.

Asked to state her age at the time she said she was unsure but her uncle had assured her she was of marriageable age and she had indeed been married at the time to a man called Joseph.  Beelzebub asked the court to note a statement by leading sociologist who said that Middle Eastern marriages were often arranged for under-age females.

Beelzebub: "Did you consent to sex with the Holy Ghost?"
The witness did not reply. Pressed further, she said in a whisper that she had spoken only to an angel who had appeared and told her she had been chosen to be the Mother of God.

Counsel for the plaintiff then said he would be reframing his charges to include non-consensual sex with an under-age female, and a further charge against a person or persons unknown as an accessory before the fact.
"In short, my Lord, a pimp," Beelzebub added.

At that point Justice Pope ordered a retrial on the grounds that the issues raised were too complex for the lower courts. An urgent Supreme Court hearing was set down for the following week under Chief Justice Pious.
At the new hearing the State subpoenaed Jehovah as a character witness for the Holy Ghost who, on the grounds of intangibility, said he could appear only to the faithful and hence it would be unlikely He could be heard and seen by all the court officers. 
Jehovah, challenged by Beelzebub, admitted He was the Holy Ghost's alter ego.  He denied that actual sexual connection had taken place and claimed it was a miracle birth.

Justice Pious immediately adjourned the court amid uproar. When the court resumed the following day Beelzebub continued his attack on the State's case by accusing Jehovah of corrupt practice in attempting to subvert a witness. Asked by the court to explain this, Beelzebub said he had written affidavits from the innkeeper and his wife to confirm that they had seen hush money being handed over to Mary in the form of gifts by three men traveling on camels.

Calling Mary back to the stand Beelzebub got an admission that she thought they were just three wise men who wanted to be nice to her newborn child. Reading from a written account of the incident by an itinerant fisherman called John, Beelzebub asked her to confirm that she had, as John put it, "kept these things in her heart"
"Yes," said Mary.
"In other words you kept your mouth shut?"
"Yes."
"And did the Holy Ghost ever appear to you again?"
Silence.

Beelzebub did not press the point but rested his case and called on the State to arraign Jehovah on charges of major breaches of the Civil Rights Act, corruption, statutory rape and failure to provide child support.

The court adjourned for a discussion in chambers by top counsel in consultation with the Attorney General who finally decided there was a prima facie against Jehovah. That's where the ordure really hit the fan.

The Attorney General, a Mr Michael Mephistopheles, who bore a striking resemblance to Beelzebub, opened the whole can of worms with a case outline which included accusations of genocide by deliberate flooding of large areas of the Middle East, trade-offs of political support by a small Jewish sect in return for promises of land, use of genetic weapons against political opponents in Egypt which created plagues of locusts and, most damning of all, breaches of the criminal justice code in promulgating behavioral restraints known as the Ten Commandments.

"Worst of all, your Lordship," said Mephistopheles in his opening speech. "Worst of all is what I call the Name in Vain commandment." This he claimed was a gross infringement of the Civil Rights code which was based on the acceptance of free speech for all.

His case looked a bit threatened when the first witness, a Mr Noah, failed to appear. The court erupted when Noah's eldest son, Ham, rose to explain that his father was still in his chambers "unclothed and far gone in wine." Justice Pious was unable to quiet the hilarity and called a short recess.

When the court reconvened Mephistopheles called a Mr Moses who gave his address as "somewhere in Sinai". Moses confirmed receiving the Ten Commandments from Jehovah at a secret meeting on top of Mount Sinai. He also confirmed Jehovah's promise of land in return for support but added angrily that while everyone else had benefited the accused had prevented him, Moses, from taking up the offer.

Queen's Counsel Gabriel, acting for Jehovah, immediately asked the court to strike Moses' statement from the record on the basis that he was a biased witness.  The Judge agreed.
Asked if he had any objection, Mephistopheles smiled, shook his head and added: "We have plenty more where that came from, your Lordship. In fact a whole bookfull."

At that stage the judge called counsel to his chambers, later emerging to tell the press that the matter had been settled out of court. Mephistopheles appeared on the late news that evening to say this was only a tactical move and further charges were pending.
Media commentators now regard the case as such political dynamite that it is unlikely to resume until after the next election which is only months away.





The political quid pro quo there is that the government, as indicated in the polls, is likely to fall resulting in replacement of the Attorney General. That would get everyone off the hook as both major parties are largely in agreement on the issues and it is in everyone's interest to ensure the case goes nowhere.

Interestingly, the political contender for the post of Attorney General is a very astute young barrister called Nicholas Lucifer. His uncle, Old Nick, had the reputation of never losing a case.

Hmmm, can't wait...........

[Diana Rudd (Boehme)]

Bob Malloy..I remember that name very well. What were your childrens names.... trying to rattle the old brain cells. Maybe a connection to my dad?   

[Ricky Barron (RIP)]

@ Diana, I recall a son by the name of Sinclair (?) Molloy,who would be in his mid to late fifties now. As mentioned in one of the history "lessons" Bob became a very well known writer after leaving O'mund, so your parents would probably have known him!

[Bob Molloy]

Hi Ricky and Diana,
                            Yes, indeed, I'm Sinclair's dad. also a contemporary of your Dad, Ricky.  I worked with Abby for quite a few years and also on occasion teamed up with him backstage in organising special effects for the Oranjemund Players.
A quick update: Sinclair is now an administrator at a big regional hospital in Scotland and lives on the west coast with his wife, Jane. They have two sons, Duncan and Richard. You may also remember my daughters, Colleen and Siobhan. All three were born in Oranjemund.
Colleen is an educational psychologist working in adult education in Leicester, England. She and husband Phil have two children, Liam and Hannah. Siobhan trained as a speech therapist but is now director of the NZ Association of Occupational Therapists and lives in Wellington, New Zealand, with husband Alan and two sons, Daniel and Sam.
Keri and I live in the far north of New Zealand. Keri still happily edits the local paper. I'm long retired but still keeping my hand in with the odd writing contract.
Best wishes,
Bob.

[Diana Rudd (Boehme)]

Thats it....Colleen Molloy.....she must be about my age.

[Ricky Barron (RIP)]

Dear "Uncle" Bob,
Believe it or not, your name has already graced at least one topic on this site!
Firstly, my Mom remembers you clearly and fondly! During one of 'Rick's Oranjemund History lessons", under the "Things I remember about Oranjemund' forum, I wrote about "The Centre Path" articles which appeared in the Oranjemund Newsletter. According to Mother, although started by Vic Cummings (who as you know was also involved with the Oranjemund players, along with Bill and Molly Mair, and Gordon Dally) it was your input that stood out during the mid to late fifties! I must admit I erred in believing that you had left for Ireland, when in fact you moved to NZ. Were you still writing for The Cape Times (I think) after emigrating?

Anyhow Mom sends her warmest greetings and says to tell you that she is in regular contact with Gordon Dally who, she believes, was a close friend of yours.

Mother will be visiting her brother in Auckland some time in March or April so , as it was in Oranjemund, it seems that everybody in New Zealand knows one another, she'll just ask for you at the airport and meet you for a cuppa!

Kind regards,
Ricky Barron

p.s.Perhaps you could comment on the article mentioned above, as most of it came from the memory of a still healthy, but often "memory challenged" octogenarian!

[Bob Molloy]

Hi Ricky,
            Firstly, thanks for the pdf on the Mother Goose programme. It made my day and brought back a load of fond memories. Abby and I had a ton of fun on the production, together with a flamboyant character called Julius Katzke. I was almost fired for "borrowing" heaps of electrical fittings and other odds and ends from the North Electrical workshop to make props such as standard lamps etc for the show. Unfortunately this was noticed by a rather up-himself engineer in the audience who demanded to know the culprit and called for my head.
I offered to settle the matter with a punch-up but wiser counsel prevailed and it was resolved into a Mexican standoff in which I eventually returned the items (always the intent anyway - what else would you do with company property in a closed community?) and he spent the next few years hoping to catch me in some more heinous crime.
Ah yes, the "Centre Path", a long-running controversy in the Newsletter begun by Vic Cummings which pointed to the differences in working and living conditions between what were known as "daily paid" (though we got paid once a month like everybody else) and staff i.e. anybody not an artisan or manual worker. It certainly started a dialogue and resulted in a workers' collective which met management once a month to iron out most of the friction, provide telephones for those who wanted them, cars for hire - at that stage all private cars were garaged at Beauvallon - and yes some additional furniture where required.
My contribution was to play devil's advocate and send up Vic - also a rather self important character - when possible. Geez, that was half a century ago. I'm pleased somebody still remembers it after all these years. Does your mother also remember Freddie the Flea who because he couldn't reach all the typewriter keys had to write without punctuation so that his columns were a single sentence from beginning to end and could be read and misread according to whatever punctuation you inserted?
The idea was to manufacture scurrilous gossip that might fit various situations around town without mention of names and then see who wrote in and complained. a surprising number of people got cross and threatened the editor (Philip Bruce), often for the same piece of make believe.
There was also the story of "The Scoop Called One" which ostensibly was a simple tale of the overhaul of a small bucket wheel excavator at Uubvley workshops but was written in biblical style using Old Testament characters. It caused a furore among the politically correct and the more toffy-nosed Sunday Christians. They created such a fuss that the deputy GM - the least PC of people - felt forced to ask Phil to cool it. Amazing how many guilty consciences there were in our little town.
In those days I was also a 'stringer" i.e. freelance writer supplying local news to organisations such as the SABC, Windhoek Advertiser, Diamond Fields Advertiser, Cape Times, Algemeine Zeitung etc. On one occasion it brought me head to head with top management and a really serious case of "over the bridge with you" threat. It came about quite innocuously.
I had a network of contacts throughout the mine who kept me supplied with tipoffs. One rang me in the middle of the night to say that Sammy Collins' diamond barge had come ashore in a gale and was being pounded to pieces on the rocks north of Chameis with all on board in dire danger.
It was to say the least a helluva story. By daylight I had most of the details plus pictures and before lunch broke the story to the world. Next morning I was carpeted by a furious Stan Devlin, the mine general manager and a personage ranking somewhere above God in those days.
It seems Anglo had been on the line from Johannesburg to demand why he had allowed the news to get out before a) informing them and b) giving time to prop up the share prices. I can't recall how many thousands, or was it millions, was slashed from the shares on the stock market that morning but it was substantial.
My recall is dim on what happened subsequently. They say painful memories are often suppressed, n'less I survived for some years as an ongoing irritation to management while at least for one glorious day little ol' Oranjemund hit world headlines.
We left in '67 after I completed a correspondence degree with UNISA, the object being full-time study at UCT for an Honours degree and an MA in psychology. Sinclair was then boarding at Rondebosch Boys High and the girls were happily placed at San Souci, a girls school also in Rondebosch, so it worked out quite well. It took a couple of years during which I ran out of savings but it proved a blessing in disguise as I got a job as a night reporter on the Cape Times which was enough to keep the family in drive-in tickets until real money came along.
The irony is that after clinical training as a psychologist and a year's practice I felt so drawn to journalism, pined for it in fact, that I gave up the career I'd sent seven years working towards and went back to being the lowest form of animal life at the newspaper. a lowly night reporter. The rest, as they say, is history.
Damn, didn't mean to go on at such length, Mike you need place a limit on posts.
Cheers Ricky and best regards to your mother.
Bob.

[Michael Alexander]

I had a network of contacts throughout the mine who kept me supplied with tipoffs.

I liked the story, seems familiar........ I used to have a network  of contacts, until the MIB scared them off........

But as you lose some, new ones tend to find you.........

About the garages at Beauvallon, it is twice know that I have seen "old" timers refer to the garages at Beauvallon, do you mean the garages on the other side of the bridge? or were there also garages further inland at present day Beauvallon?

[Bob Molloy]

Hi Mike,
            The grey cells creak a bit now but if memory serves me correctly the garages must have been close to Beauvallon. Strictly speaking, "garages" is a misnomer - they were in reality falling-down corrugated shacks which served to keep off the sun but not the sand. I doubt if still exist today, even corrugated iron has a limited life span.
Regards,
Bob.