Are You Scottish!

[Michael Alexander]

Got this via email today....

"Are you Scottish? You know you are a true Scot if...........

Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
Ye measure distance in minutes.
Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;

how's it hingin
clatty
boggin
cludgie
pished
get it up ye
wee beasties
erse bandit
amurny
away an bile yer heid
peely-wally
humphey backit
Ba'-heid
baw bag
dubble nugget
And finally.......

A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.
 

[Gordon Brown]

Mike Glesga folk are now referred to as "Weegies"

[Rhona]

  I understood it all - does that mean I'm not really irish 

[SandyB]

I used to be able to understand my Dad .. many could not  at times with his broad accent .. my Mom   well she  developed a softer accent  but still with the brogue ..   I Miss  those voices  so much ...

[toonfandangl]

  OCH AYE THE NOO            Michael you need to get some Scottish icons 

[Michael Alexander]

I just got this from My Great Aunt Jean , back in Glasgow...

" > Born an bred in Glesca,
>
> Ah wis born an bred in Glesca,
> Aye, Glesca is ma hame,
> Bein' brought up in a tenement
> Made me a typical wean.
>
> We didnae hiv much money
> So ma mammy went oot tae work
> An when Ah hid oan ma Sunday claes
> Ah dareny play in the durt.
>
> Ah didnae hiv very many toys
> Like the weans a hiv the day,
> Ma pals were happy girls an boys
> Wi lots o games tae play.
>
> We played at cowboys an indians,
> We played at hide an seek,
> When we coonted tae 100 nice an fast
> An ye wirnae allowed tae peek.
>
> Then we'd tie some string through two
> tin cans
> An we'd pit them oan oor feet
> An stomp like something frae outer
> space
> Right up an doon oor street.
>
> There wis doublers, ropes, an kick the
> can,
> We played rounders roon the back
> Then we'd sit oan toap o the midden
> Tellin ghost stories till it goat dark.
>
> We'd walk tae the Pictures Matinee
> Oan a Setterday afternoon,
> Where a man cam oot tae make us
> a sing
> An wave hankies in time tae the tune.
>
> We booed an cheered at the Westerns,
> The Three Stoogies made us a laugh,
> Then came the cartoons - Mickey Mouse an Popeye
> Tae make up the hours an a half
>
> We ate toffee apples an candy cakes
> An chewed oan liquorice sticks,
> Soor plooms that pul't yir jaws right in,
> Dry wafers - a penny for six.
>
>
> We read the Beano an Dandy,
> Oor Wullie an The Broons,
> We even hid back court concerts,
> Tap dancin tae popular tunes.
>
> In this rhyme Ah've tried tae turn back
> the clock
> Tae aboot forty-odd years ago,
> Tae paint a picture o whit life wis like
> For a wean in old Glasgow.
>
>
> When there wisnae a word like junkie
> An naebody that Ah knew sniffed glue,
> Today Ah jist cannae help thinkin
> Whit's happenin tae Glesca weans noo?
>
> by Cathleen Sweeney
"

[Michael Alexander]

Thanks Skinny...

"Barrack Obama is  visiting a Glasgow hospital.



He enters a ward full of patients  with no obvious sign of injury or illness,



He greets one.



The patient  replies:



Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain o  the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe  or thairm,

As langs my airm.





Obama is confused, so  he just grins and moves on to the next patient.





The  next patient responds:



Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some  wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the  Lord be thankit.





Even more confused, and his grin now  rictus-like, the President moves on

to the next patient,  who immediately  begins to chant:





Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous  beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awa sae  hastie,

Wi bickering brattle





Now seriously troubled,  Obama turns to the accompanying doctor and asks,

'Is this a  psychiatric ward?'



'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the  serious Burns unit.' "

[toonfandangl]

   
Its a 'cracka'

              I understood it