AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE

[toonfandangl]

[toonfandangl]

Its a bit naughty but I had a laugh...........................................

Now I understand and am in awe, the Scots are so romantic.

They have that unattainable touch that us mere mortals cannot hope to reach for.

They bring a tear to the eyes of men who are limited by the mere behavioural trait of lesser human conditioning.

The Scots - surely the last of the romantics!

"http://www.youtube.com/embed/dYslhL71k1M?rel=0"

[toonfandangl]

Another Scottish Poem ..........................

What is the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney ?
" Bing sings and Walt dis-ney " ......................................................

[Patricia Lotte]

.

[Mike Stenson (RIP)]

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple of nice, cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally, I thought about an age- old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby. And here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

[toonfandangl]

The
Stranger
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger


who was new to our small town. From the beginning,

Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer

and soon invited him to live with our family. The

stranger was quickly accepted and was around

from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my


family. In my young mind, he had a special niche.

My parents were complementary instructors: Mum

taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey.

But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He would


keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures,


mysteries and comedies.


If I wanted to know anything about politics, history


or science, he always knew the answers about the past,


understood the present and even seemed able to predict

the future! He took my family to the first major league


ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The


stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem

to mind.

Sometimes, Mum would get up quietly while the rest of


us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to


say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and
quiet.


(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions,

but the stranger never felt obligated to honour them.


Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not

from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time visitor,
however, got away with four-letter words that burned my

ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.



My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the

stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made
cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished.


He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments

were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally
embarrassing..


I now know that my early concepts about relationships were
influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he

opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom
rebuked
... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved

in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly

as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into

my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over

in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and

watch him draw his pictures.

His
name?....
We just call him ................................'TV.

[toonfandangl]

                                          Man escapes from the local police custody...




                                       

[henniek]

This whole horse meat thing is getting out of hand.... I just heard that buffalo wings contain chicken!!
•        My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Durban July.
•        With all the meat related revelations of the past week, I'm waiting in anticipation to hear the truth about Monkey Gland sauce...:O, I am wonderıng what about Black cat pee-nut butter?
•        Food labels will no longer use "kilojoule content" to describe the energy value, it will now be referred to as "horse power"


•        O die donkie is 'n wonderlike ding. Ons rek die mince en maak meer wins , Ja die donkie is 'n wonderlike ding!

[toonfandangl]

                                             Just Bear With Me


                                     http://e2url.com/Bear-surprises-Samsung-crew-video.html

[toonfandangl]

COLIN THE ABORIGINE


A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.  He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters, from the BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and
everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.  Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.  Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.  How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks... I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something.  That was amazing.  How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again, Colin said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?





Colin said, 'I want the bastard who pushed me in..............






'

[Patricia Lotte]

...

[Patricia Lotte]

The Perfect Marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple".
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America, " explained the man.
"We visited ...the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time.
My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I shouted at her, "What 's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??"
She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once." "And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after."

[Michael Alexander]

  mmmh! How's married life treating you then Patricia?

[Patricia Lotte]

mmmh! How's married life treating you then Patricia?

Leon's a fast learner ... I only have to tell him things once ... 

[Patricia Lotte]

Our gatiepie days in the district6 was a very clever and quick thinker which u only get in Sunny Cape town. Here it comes.
An american tourist was taken by gatiepie on a rafting expedition on the Orange river.
The american ask gatiepie: do u know psychology, methodology, biology or geology?
Gatiep replied no master ek hettie skool gegaan nie so these words are foreign to me..
American: shame gatiepee u sure don't know alot my friend..
Suddenly water starts seeping into the boat and... the tourist panicked.
Gatiep asked him: master, do u know SWIMONOLOGY and ESCAPOLOGY away from the CROCOGOLOGY?
AMERICAN WTF is that gatiepee explain..
Gatiep well sir today u going to see JOUMASEMOEROLOGY just before you VERSUIPOLOGY AND WILL VREKOLOGY.