I was Unfaithful

[Michael Alexander]

I Liked this,

"I was with another woman last week and now I'm wracked with guilt. I'm too scared to call, or text, and I worry about what I'll say when I see her next. I never thought the aftermath would be this traumatic.

It all came about out of convenience. I needed to be satisfied right there and then, in the moment. I was desperate for a soothing touch, but I couldn't just wait another two days. Looking back, I can't believe it.

My impatience led me to stray. It was last Monday and she was just around the corner; available, open and inviting. No need to wait until the weekend. I could go now. My needs could be tended to and I'd walk away happy and content. What harm could one little detour do to my relationship of five years?

Admittedly, I was reluctant at first. More because I hate change than anything else, partly because I'd been faithful for so long. Come on, five years is a long time without change. That's good going isn't it? Eventually my needs overcame any doubts I was having. I had to have her, even if it was more due to proximity than anything else.

She was rough at first. Not what I was used to. No smiles, no gentle touch. Jerking me back and forth in the chair I thought, this is a mistake. I shouldn't be here. She smelled different too; employed different techniques, some things that I wasn't entirely comfortable with. I suppose that's what you get when you pay less than normal. The money wasn't an issue, but I was surprised at how cheap it was.

The business end concluded, and I felt dirty, unwashed. Quicker than usual, not the long, slow caressing hands I was accustomed to. She offered a wash, and then head massage. Too intimate, I replied. I came here for a reason, and I don't want to overstay my welcome. I don't want to get too attached. I'll have to go back to her one day, and I can't have any lingering memories of this encounter. Your loss, she said.

It was all over in a blur. I knew I'd wronged. I'd turned my back on a good thing for the sake of expediency and the guilt and disgust were eating away at me immediately. And the end result? Poor, underwhelming and certainly not the same attention to detail I normally experience. I hated it.

Now what? I can't show myself looking like this. I'll have to wait at least three months before I see her again or she'll know. Women know. They know without you saying a word. They can see it in your eyes.

I had to confess to someone. To take away some of the grief. I went home to Robyn. She was seeing Nadia on the weekend. "Robs, when you go for your haircut, don't tell Nadia that I had mine cut somewhere else. I feel terrible. Tell her I'll see her soon, when this awful cut has grown out and I've thought of a good excuse."

Sure sweetie, no problem. You know, you should always stick with a hairdresser that knows what you like.

"I know, Robs. I know."

LINK:http://www.news24.com/Columnists/DavidMoseley/I-was-unfaithful-Im-sorry-20110412