School Starts 2Morrow!

[Michael Alexander]

advice... If you are to strict with them as youngsters, is there more of a chance of them becoming rebels when they turn 16?

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[Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee)]

Mike, I tend to think so.  I am not saying that one should leave your kids to do whatever they like and spoil them to become brats, but I think there is a negative impact on them and their development when your are too strict with them.  I think by that you also limit your communication level with you  -  you rule the household like a dictator and no one else has a say in any matter, but when they are adults or more grown up, now you suddenly want to have a good and honest conversation with them and that just ain't gonna happen, for you have already blocked the channels since when they were small.

A good hiding at the right time, repremanding when needed, the correct amount of strictness  - no problem.  Then again, no two kids are the same ever, so one has to learn to assess them for who they are and apply your rules to each of them as per their own demand for it!  I think we can talk about it, but I can never advice you or someone else how to raise your kids, for that is something you have to figure out for yourself, and neither can someone give me that advice on how I have to raise mine.  (But I would kill you if you know my kids are up to something bad and you don't inform me about it  -  we tend to think that we are not going to meddle in someone elses life, but by doing so you might just save the life of a kid or two.)

[Michael Alexander]

Wise words Dalene, I knew many a kid that grew up in a strict home, and the moment they were old enough to go to the bars (at 16) they just went beserk, right of the rails.... kids that had more passive parents, also did it, but not to the same magnitude..... One wonders why Parenting was never a school subject....

[Sharon]

I think listening to your children is very important. Sometimes we think we just know best and tend not to listen to what our kids have to say.  We need to discipline our kids that does not mean we need to be to hard on them but to lay rules down and stick to them. They need to respect their perants and when they don't they should be put on the naughty stair, for eg. and have time out (which is their age for exsample if they r four then that is the time they should sit on the naughty stair or naughty corner, four min) then after ask them if they understand why they have been punished and then ask them to say sorry. It does work. Everyone has different set of rules. Shouting does NOT work at all. We should not shout at them when they r having a fit cus it won't work, we lower ourselves to act just like kids our sleves so, u need to ignore their tempers and when they r fin u should talk to them. well that is about it for now....

[Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee)]

Very true, Sharon.  To listen to your kids, does not mean you should give in to every demand or request, but you have to have an open ear and mind when dealing with kids.  Same applies to arguments  -  you don't change a conversation into an argument, 'cos then you as the adult are the loser.  It has to be an open communication port, not a fight zone, when talking and listening to each other.

I do NOT believe in the modern "GEHOORSAME OUER" methods  -  but I, as the partent, have to set the example by acting right and dealing according to my set of rules with each situation as it arises and not refer back to old issues and fishwife methods.

[Diana Rudd (Boehme)]

As Dalene said very true Sharon. I must say I've also been very fortunate with all three my kids,had the car bumping episodes,and temper tantrums etc but nothing major as alot of other parents that I know have had.Moral grounding is important, good morals applies to most things they have to make judgements on in life. Love them,which takes different forms. Really one does the best you know how,often making mistakes.