End of the world next wednesday!

[Michael Alexander]

A nice humour filled article .. on the big experiment happening next week!

Turn out the lights
02/09/2008 10:27  - (SA) 

David Moseley

On the 10th of September some insanely intelligent nutters on the French-Swiss border, somewhere near Geneva, will fire up a piece of Star Wars wizardry called the Large Hadron Collider (or the LHC if you prefer abbreviations).

The R60bn-plus piece of machinery is the world's largest particle accelerator complex and clever chaps in Europe hope to discover more about the creation of the universe by pressing the "on" button next Wednesday.

Forgive me, but I'm in Edinburgh, and the only newspaper I could get my hands on was the Scottish Sun, so in between 33 pages devoted to the Rangers vs Celtic derby match from Sunday, this is about as moving as the news gets here. That and news that the Celtic goalkeeper has been on drinking and shagging binges behind his wife's back. Seriously, that was page four.

Anyway, the Sun describes the LHC actions as thus, "New particles of matter are expected to be discovered, new dimensions found beyond the four known, as scientists re-create conditions in the first billionths of a second after the Big Bang." The best part of the story, naturally in a paper of the Sun's constituency, is the headline "End of the World in Nine Days". I love it.

Hole-in-one

Opposing scientists are concerned that the LHC will create mini-black holes (you know, those things in Star Trek where all the bad stuff happens or, more scientifically, hungry space monsters that gobble up stars, space dust, unmanned flights to Mars, Ziggy Stardust and planets in other galaxies). These dissenters, ("Philistines!" shout the LHC-tinkering scientists from across the room) think the mini-black holes will expand and suck the planet into the 45th Dimension in an instant. "We'll never know unless we try!" bellow back the mangy, wild-eyed Germans, French, Swiss and Wouter Basson in the dimmed corner.

But hey, in an age where the Bok coach compares himself and his situation to the plight of Jesus and Hurricanes seem intent on wiping out New Orleans, what harm can a little particle acceleration do?

At worst it proves that our existence really was created by a rather large and expansive firecracker, and at best it acts like a gigantic (and pricey) Ouija board summoning the creator from his slumber and putting scientists out of their misery the world over.

Still, if the LHC does go mental and creates many mini and unstable black holes, we'll never know it happened. So in light of the end of the world, according to the Scottish Sun mind you, where the second biggest story in the paper is a pictorial about Vladimir Putin shooting tigers (it did have George on the collar), I suggest using the next nine days as a bit of a goof off.

Make a list

I'm already overseas ploughing away my credit card's Rands into British tourism and the funds for Team GB's 2012 success, so the sense of adventure is already there. I get back on the 8th, so that gives me two days to keep my girlfriend locked up indoors, ushering in the end of the world in fine style. In the meantime I'm just going to carry on drinking my way through the UK's pale ales (27 varieties so far). It's like paying your TV license. It's the right thing to do.

Other things to do before the world ends:
# Protest on a dinghy alongside a Japanese whaling boat.
# Go to Brighton for the day (I don't really have a choice here. My mom is making me go tomorrow).
# Buy space suits ($34 on Ebay) just in case the black hole sends you to the moon.
# Ask the pilot if you can fly the plane home for a wee bit. I'm definitely asking the nice BA guy on Sunday night.
# Turn out the lights.

[Bertie Horak]

I for one would love to know what results they'll get.  Just think, all our physics/chemistry books might be changed, and they might just prove that Albert Einstein was a nutter after all and sucked his relativity theory from his thumb, and that Galileo's apple bounced a little harder on his head than originally thought!

Regarding mini-black-holes - there's a solution for all the waste we create on the planet - just dump it in the black hole!

Can't wait!

Oh, and to everybody I owe an apology before the end of the world ........ 

[SandyB]

Ok  who's  for a mamoth  spending spree ??  my  credit cards  are  nice and empty  so I could have quite a bit of fun  .. only to  discover the world is indeed not coming to an end .. and I'm so debt laden that I will make my  world come to an end ..  either way it will end .. 
Hah hah  !   me not so stupid  . 

[georg ruf jr.]

Is there a new date for the reunion then??

[Bertie Horak]

Sandy, maybe some nice ear-muffs for the doggies so they don't hear the "big bang"! 202

Georg, bought your ticket to O'mund yet - looks like we'll have to make a plan this weekend!

[Michael Alexander]

No! No! Reunion still on, we'll just have to move it to a different corner or the universe....thats all!   Not that it MATTERS!

[georg ruf jr.]

Okay. That's fine to me.

[Paula Gottsch (Willson)]

Well aint I the lucky gal, I'm dead already so I have no worries, jammer om van julle k*k te hoor!!!!

[Sheena]

I agree Paula = sitting inTamatave in Madagascar.  Doubt if they will find me here. 

[Michael Alexander]

Hey! It's almost time for everyone to say goodbye.... the big machine gets turned on today.... and fires tomorrow..... I wonder if I should bother brushing my teeth tomorrow morning?

         

[georg ruf jr.]

Naaa! Just give Michael and the kids a  and wish them a nice journey.

[Michele Alexander (Voden)]

  you'd better bloodywell brush your teeth, and make the bed, and pick up the  poop!

[georg ruf jr.]

Aren't those the moments we wish our wives had Alzheimer Mike.? We could tell them everyday the world end is near just not to put the poop away....

   

[Delia]

I must be honest i didn't really read the article you posted Mike, just glanced over it - yesterday I was reading the news on IOL and came across an article about the same thing ie. the experiment they're doing- i see part of the experiment is to determine whether there are other dimensions in the universe running parallel to ours - they've spent billions of dollars over the years getting to this point - i had a good chuckle to myself thinking "hey man, you could've saved yourself all that money, all you had to do was perfect astral travelling and you would've seen for yourselves, literally, that there are other dimensions"......

Oh well,  to everybody...........see you when & where I see you.................

[Bertie Horak]

Just in case....  nice knowing ya'll.     Looking forward to the news tomorrow. 

Hey, I'm sure there's a parallel dimension with a bot bar where we can meet tomorrow.  So if it's all dark tomorrow, and you feel you're being sucked towards the North, just hop over... see you in the Bot Bar II.