AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE

[toonfandangl]

                                                 
                                                       


The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our
daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and
maintain muscle mass.

If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more
repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina.


Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!


SCROLL DOWN.............













































NOW SCROLL UP..

That's enough for the first day. Great job.

Have a glass of wine.                                       

[SandyB]

HERES A GOOD ONE  IN A LIGHTER VEIN  ITS A DOCUMENT SO  YOU HAVE TO OPEN IT ...

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[toonfandangl]

                             

                          FEMALE COMPASSION                                     

(The depth and breadth of it is truly amazing!)

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. 

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.


The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'


The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.


The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a ?'


The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a and walked on.


The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f****d?'


The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'







She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'                   

[toonfandangl]

A professor at the University of Durban was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.




Realizing this was not the most riveting subject,

the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. 

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

'Do you know what your hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'






                 





          She replied, 'Probably playing golf with his mates.'   

[toonfandangl]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to an Xmas fancy dress party.  He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.



A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:



Dear Sir,



Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.



The man is offended that the outfit  emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.  A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:




Dear Sir,



Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.





The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.  So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.  A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:





Dear Sir,



Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.



We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your and go as  a toffee apple.                        

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[toonfandangl]

                         


                                AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO


  An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She
  seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a
  single roll of the dice.

  She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
  completely nude'.

  With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with
  an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

  As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
  squealed...'YES!  YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and
  her clothes and quickly departed.

  The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
  Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

  The other answered,
  'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

  MORAL OF THE STORY -

  Not all Irish are drunks,
  not all blondes are dumb,
  but all men...are men.


                                                                     

[georg ruf jr.]

 

[Bob Molloy]

And to that we can add the tale of the two Irish friends about the leave the pub.

One says to other, ""I can't be bothered to walk all the way home."

"I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home."

"We could steal a bus from the depot." replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.

"After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?"

"I can't find a No. 91"

"Oh Jaysus Christ, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout."

[SandyB]

Mmm unless I'm mistaken ,,, first time I seen Bob  post a joke ,,,  welcome ...

[toonfandangl]

A Quickie                                                                                       

What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
Bing sings ........................................Walt Disney

Most Scottish persons will understand this one the rest of you will have to ask for an interpretation

[toonfandangl]

Look I am not sure whether that's his name ?....................but I had a chuckle   

[toonfandangl]

                                 

                                                  Two dwarfs

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two 'working girls' and take
them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is
made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend
shouting out cries of 'Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I
come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!' Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE...
UGH!'... ALL NIGHT LONG.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, 'How did it go?' The first
mutters, 'It was Embarrassing... I just couldn't get an erection.'

The second dwarf shook his head. 'You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't
get on the bed.'......................................   

[georg ruf jr.]