AND ON A LIGHTER NOTE

[toonfandangl]

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker,
His throat gets dry,
He gets weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally???


Ever wonder why?








It's because she smells like a new Football !!!!............

[toonfandangl]

This is a collision between a Dublin Bus and a Dublin Tram on Wednesday 16/09/09



Now look closer, below, at the ad on the side of the bus that the Tram went into. ...........









Well I think its funny.... hope no one got hurt..........................

[Mike Stenson (RIP)]

There's no bus pic Frank.... can anybody else see it....

[toonfandangl]

Sorry to all if you can not see the bus... so hope this is OK ................Thanks Mike!

[georg ruf jr.]

WEl I can see the bus. It's a little square with a red cross in it...

rooster

[toonfandangl]

Sorry George!... I am getting the picture here OK ................so will explain, there is a close up at the point of the collision... and the advert on the side of the bus is saying..................'Should've gone to Specsavers'

[Patricia Lotte]

  ?????????????????

[Mike Stenson (RIP)]

Frank is that pic in your google mail.... think google mail is preventing other websites loading it...
You only see it because its in your computer cache all ready... 

[Paul (Pepe) Freemantle]

Sex after Death


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Judy..........Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
 
"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"

"No...........I'm a rabbit in Kansas ."

[toonfandangl]

Probable Mike its a bit confusing at this moment in time,...........have to take some medication so not sure if I am Arther or Mather..................................................

[toonfandangl]

Cup of Tea.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 3
years old, and someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift. It was one
of my favourite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought
him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea
and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mum came home. My Dad made her sit
quietly in another room, so mum could watch me bring dad the cup of tea,
because I was so cute. Mum waited, and sure enough, I came walking down the
hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. Mum watches dad drink from the tea cup.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know......) 'Did it ever occur to you
that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet ?'

[Bob Molloy]

 
An esteemed professor of archeology was back from a dig in Israel where the oldest
settlement in that part of the world had been discovered, along with a tablet containing
drawings of what was thought to be the world's oldest writing.
The professor was there to give a slide show lecture and the hall was packed, standing
room only.

Finally, the tablet was discussed and a likeness of the symbols was put on the overhead
projector for all to see. You could hear a pin drop as the Professor explained his findings.

"The first symbol as you see is a woman - which we take to mean that this society held
women as equals if not in high respect and as an important part of life, showing their social
sophistication. Next we have a donkey, proving their domestication of of animals. Next we
have a shovel which ties in with the donkey - in that it symbolizes farming and working of
the land, cultivation of crops and building homes. Next we see a fish, further proving this
idea of a productive society that had the ability to farm and fish. And last, we see a Star of
David, showing that even at the beginning of what we can call recorded history of that area,
the people were religious and they saw this religion as the cornerstone of their family, work,
and culture together."

The room was quiet, reflecting with admiration, the simple ways of these people.

Then from the back came the voice of an old man.

"Excuse me?", he said. "I don't mean to cause a problem, but you have it all wrong".
"What do you mean?", called the professor as all heads turned.

"Well," said the old man, "this is from Israel, so you're reading Hebrew. Hebrew is read
right-to-left. You translated it left-to-right. According to my translation, it should really read:

"Holy mackerel - dig the ass on that broad!"

[Patricia Lotte]

Pants and Panties....

Mike was going to be married to Karen
so his Father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''
She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly... I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large.  They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine ..!

Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

[Dalene Steenkamp (Coetzee)]

Headache....

A guy walks into the house in the middle of the night, storming drunk.  He finds his wife fast asleep in bed, with her mouth open, grabs two panados and pops them into her mouth. 

The wife wakes up, chocking: " What did you throw into my mouth?"

Man: "Two panados."

Wife:  "Are you crazy?  I don't have a headache!!"

Man, smiling from ear to ear:  "That's exactly what I wanted to hear, mamma, that's exactly what I wanted to hear !!"

[toonfandangl]

I'm not sure how true this is but as I have over 200 emails in my inbox this was the first one I looked at!!




   Irish Luck

    His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools
    and ran to the bog.

    There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

    The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

    'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'

    'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

    'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.

    'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.

    'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

    Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

    Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.
    What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

    The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's name?
    Sir Winston Churchill.

    Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
    Work like you don't need the money.
    Love like you've never been hurt.
    Dance like nobody's watching.
    Sing like nobody's listening.
    Live like it's Heaven on Earth.



    I hope it works...
    May there always be work for your hands to do;
    May your purse always hold a coin or two;
    May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
    May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
    May the hand of a friend always be near you;
    May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
    and may you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead. ...........