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 Jasper House



My dad told me this story years ago, every time I remember it, it brings a smile to my face. This took place in the 70’s and the name of the family is unknown (to me anyway) but what had happened is that this particular family had (as did all families in Oranjemund in those days) a domestic worker in their employ. Generally the working relationship was fairly good however after some time they began to realize that some of the old mans Brandy was being siphoned off. Not wanting to jump in with accusations of theft and alcoholism, the old man decided to mark his brandy bottle as proof. And sure enough, a week later when he went to go check, the bottle had dropped by a third… “Nee wat”, he thought, “enough is enough, I’ll teach this bugger a lesson”, and so he popped the cap and proceeded to pee in the bottle, topping it up to its original level…

A week later, he went back to the cupboard, and sure enough it had dropped back down a couple of notches again, “My liewe here”, he though, “so he want’s to play it that way does he?”, and off popped the cap again, and once again he pee’d in the bottle till it was back its original level (and needless to say had adopted a slightly yellowish tinge). Well, a week passed and again the old man checked the bottle and once again the level dropped. Well the old man decided that he had had enough, and smugly went to confront his domestic with the revelation that he had been drinking pee for the last 2 weeks…

He approached the domestic with the theft accusation first: “I know you’ve been stealing my brandy”, he said, “I’ve been marking the bottle and over the past 2 weeks I’ve seen the level drop, so I know you’ve been stealing!!!”

“No sir”, said the domestic, “I don’t drink”

“Rubbish”, said the old man, “I’ve seen the level drop wiff my own 2 eyeballs”

“Yes sir, it has dropped sir:, said the domestic, “because I use it to cook your meals every night”

(Submitted by Paul Alexander)